Every Other Weekend
by LcarbyM
Summary: Every other weekend Bella meets Edward to drop off their children. They were head over heels once, but they say love doesn't last forever. Does it?  'For 15 minutes were a family again, god i wish that he was still with me again, every other weekend.'
1. Every other weekend

_This is a one-shot based on the song 'Every other weekend' by Reba McEntire. I'm thinking of turning into a full story if everyone wants me to continue it. Please review! This is my first story i've put up for the twilight genre, just trying something new! _

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_**BPOV**_

"Charlie lets go! We are going to be late!" I yelled up the stairs to my son as he hobbled around the corner, trying to carry way more than any five-year-old should have in his hands.

"Honey you cannot bring all of that with you. You're only there for three days," I sighed taking his backpack from his shoulder. This was becoming a recurring issue with him, he couldn't understand that he had toys at his father's house and he insisted on packing _everything_ he owned.

"Not my gameboy! Please mommy?" He asked, a tantrum on the brink.

I rolled my eyes and nodded before ruffling his hair and telling him to put his shoes on.

I had been having a difficult time with him lately, he was throwing temper tantrums like it was his job and I was honestly ready to pull my hair out. I knew the divorce would effect him the most. A boy not having his dad around is hard and Charlie really looked up to Edward. He blamed me for kicking Edward out for the first two weeks after we separated and refused to speak to me. After awhile he came around but his lashing out had been getting progressively worse lately.

"Ness, are you ready to go baby?" I asked my daughter, Vanessa, who was sitting on her bedroom floor holding her "BB", what she called her blanket. She was going to be four in a few months and she still held onto that thing with a death grip. I just didn't have the heart to get rid of it.

"Do I have to go momma? I want to stay with you," she whispered as if it was a secret.

She was our little angel, and she never gave me a hard time. She was what I called my easy child. She rarely cried, always said please, and spent most of her day laughing and entertaining herself with her dolls. Yet every weekend she was suppose to go to Edward's, she gave me a hard time. It wasn't that she didn't like going there, I know she had a great time while she was there, but she was younger when Edward and I started having problems and she was definitely a mommy's girl.

"It's just for a couple of days Ness. Don't you want to see daddy?"

"Can't he come here?" She pouted and my heart dropped. She still didn't quite understand why mommy and daddy didn't live together.

"No baby, daddy wants you to go to his house. You'll have a great time." I said sitting next to her and brushing the hair out of her eyes. She may have had my dark brown hair but she inherited Edward's unruly style for sure.

"Last time Charlie wouldn't let me watch the movies _I_ wanted to watch," She complained. I tried to hide my laughter at her being upset over such a small thing.

"Well i'll make sure to tell your dad," I said before pulling her up off the floor, "Let's go, we're going to be late and I think daddy is making your favorite dinner, Grilled cheese!"

I tried to sound excited though I was anything but. I liked having a break from the kids every now and then but I missed them when they were gone. I tried to occupy myself with errands and cleaning, but it never worked. By 3:00 saturday afternoon I was feeling miserable. The house was too quiet on these weekends I had to leave the TV on to drown out the silence. I never felt more alone then I did on these days.

I packed the kids into my car after another fifteen minutes of fighting with Charlie over what shoes to wear and why he had to wear a coat. Aren't these arguments suppose to be saved for a teenage Vanessa? I looked back at Charlie sitting in the backseat as I let my mind wander over the past few months. Edward and I had only officially been divorced for two months, even though we signed the papers back in June. Now, the end of november, we had plenty of time to get into the routine with the kids. Every other weekend, unless Edward was on call at the hospital, he had the kids. Friday night to Sunday afternoon. I would meet him halfway at the park, he never came to the house. I would drop them off and pick them up, 5:00pm Fridays, 3:00pm Sundays.

It was hell.

I missed my kids when they were gone. I worried about them, not that Edward was a bad father, but were they missing me?

Were they eating okay or was he giving them McDonalds again? He wanted so bad to be the good guy that he gave them whatever they wanted.

What if they got sick? Well, ok _that_ was ridiculous considering Edward was a Doctor.

"Mom? Are we going to get to see dad on thanksgiving? He's coming to our house right?" Charlie asked, his head staring at his lap. I think he knew the answer to that question.

These were the worst times, when I had to explain again why Edward was not with us, why we would not be together for the holidays, parties, games, traditions. We weren't a family anymore.

"I don't think so buddy. I think he has to work actually. But you'll see him on Christmas!" I encouraged but he never looked up from his hands. He fidgeted in his seat, a nervous habit he picked up from me. The only thing he got from me. I swear it was like looking at a small Edward every day. Somedays it killed me.

This year I had the kids on thanksgiving and Edward got them on Christmas, it landed on one of his saturdays anyways. He had agreed to let me keep them Christmas eve though. It wasn't going to be a very merry Christmas for me this year, my first Christmas without my husband and I wouldn't have my kids either.

I pulled into the small parking lot facing the town park. Kids were running around laughing, parent's sitting watching and talking. The leaves had fallen off the trees by now and I noticed how dead everything looked. No leaves, dirty snow from the first snowfall last week. I remembered when we took Charlie here to teach him how to ride a bike last year. Edward had been promising to teach him for awhile but was always too busy with work. One day he came home early from the hospital, surprising us all, and we all spent the afternoon at the park. It was one of the best days we had as a family in a long time.

I cried myself to sleep for hours that night.

I see Edward's small volvo in the corner of the lot, his usual spot and pull up next to it. I joked once to my brother, Emmett, that I felt like a drug dealer every other weekend. We parked in the corner of the lot in the same spot every time, exchanging kids and toys and looks. But we never talked, we spoke as little as possible and communicated as much as possible through nods and fake smiles. It was brutal, it made my heart race hours before just thinking about it.

He is leaning against his car by the time I open my door and I see Charlie has already bolted from the car, running in Edward's direction, making Edward smile. I feel another heart string snap in my chest. I smile in his direction, but it's fake and he knows it. He gives me the same half smile before engulfing Charlie in his arms.

"Hey Charlie Brown." He laughs, picking Charlie from the ground and adjusting him on his hip. He isn't so easy to pick up anymore and I swear he gets taller everyday.

"Dadddd" Charlie whines. He hates when Edward calls him that, or so he says. I think he actually likes it. "Look what I brought!" he yells waving his game boy in Edward's face.

I grab Vanessa's things out of the trunk as Charlie tells Edward about his new game he got and they chat Mario Brothers. I have no idea what they are talking about but it warms my heart to see him so happy to see Edward. I grab Nessie's hand and walk her over to Edward who instantly looks like his puppy just died. I can see how hard it is for him that Nessie doesn't run to him like Charlie does.

"Hi baby girl." He says softly. "I missed you!" He leans down to her level and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. She ducks her head before saying hello and I squeeze her hand.

"Here is her bag, Charlie has all of his things in that suitcase he calls a backpack." I joke trying to make things light. I don't know why it bothers me to see Edward hurt, like he didn't hurt me plenty. But it does. So I joke. And if thinks could get more uncomfortable they do.

Edward looks put off by my sudden comedic relief before giving me an awkward laugh and half smile. He shoves his hands through his hair, essentially making me melt a little more inside before taking the bag from my hands. I always loved when he did that.

"Thanks." He says before opening up the door for Charlie. I bend down to hug Nessie and whisper for her to be good.

"You ready to go baby?" Edward asks and she nods walking towards him as he boosts her up into the car. She still sits in a small booster, which she complains about daily. I have been well informed that she is _NOT_ a baby.

"You guys be good for daddy, okay? I love you." I say before kissing their heads and closing the door behind me. Nessie turns to look out the window at the kids playing and I feel horrible for making her go with Edward even though I know she is fine once they leave.

He is shifting back and forth on his feet and its making me nervous.

"I uh… I heard about the Bakery, Bella. That's really great." He mumbles nervously and I cant believe how hard it is for us to talk now. He was my best friend for almost 20 years. He was my everything.

"Thank you. It's really coming along." I say politely like I would to an acquaintance. A friendly customer. A Stranger.

I opened up a bakery a few weeks back and although it was a slow start we were really getting a lot of business lately. My partner, Angela, and I loved cooking in general and although I went to school to be a teacher it was always my dream to own my own bakery. After I stopped putting all my energy into saving a marriage that couldn't be saved, I threw myself into work instead. Three months of searching for the perfect location and waiting for my bank loans to be approved I was the proud co-owner of _Bella Dolce: Italian pastries_.

Ben, Angela's husband worked with Edward at the hospital. He must have told him about our success at the bakery. Edward and I never talked about work.

"So, yea. Um, i'll see you sunday then?" He asks like he does every time, as if things have changed.

"Sunday." I nod and walk around to me car. I don't say what I want to say. I don't tell him how much I hate this.

_I hate that we are strangers._

_I hate that we aren't a family anymore._

_I hate that I still need him._

_I hate that I still love him._

**EPOV**

"Shit!" I whisper under my breath as the fire alarm goes off again. I grab a towel off the counter waving it in the air like a mad man trying to end the annoying sound. Charlie is sitting with his hands over his ears, a dirty look on his face.

"Sorry, buddy." I say when the alarm stops. "Go get your sister will you? Tell her dinner is ready."

He rolls his eyes trying to hide the smile on his face as he jumps off the bar stool. My own kid is laughing at me. I can't stop the smile that spreads across my own face though, of course he's laughing. I just burnt a damn grilled cheese and his mother is a cooking genius.

I try my best to scrap the burnt off of the bread before giving up and throwing it on a plate and setting it on the table. My small table barely fits all of us but it was the best I could find for my small condo. After I moved out of the house I bought the condo I was living in now temporarily. I told myself I didn't need anymore room, it was just me and the kids weren't here often. Really, I wasn't ready to buy anything bigger. That would mean there was no chance of Bella and I getting back together and I wasn't ready to face that fact yet.

Ness sits at the table, her BB sitting neatly in her lap and chugs down her juice. She looks at her sandwich but doesn't look very pleased.

"What's wrong baby? I thought grilled cheese was your favorite? I even got the orange cheese." I laughed. She was too funny, she wouldn't touch white american cheese even though it was the same thing.

"Thats not the way mom makes it dad." Charlie whispers from his seat and I can see he has ripped his crust off.

My heart breaks at his words. I try so hard to make things somewhat normal for them but I always come up short it seems.

"Oh, well how does mommy make it?" I say, my voice cracking slightly.

"You have to cut it in triangles. She doesn't like the crust either. Sometimes mom puts a smiley face on it with ketchup." That's disgusting I think to myself but don't say anything. Ketchup? Why would you put ketchup on grilled cheese. More importantly, why do I not know that my daughter likes ketchup on her grilled cheese.

"Well, we can do that! I have ketchup here somewhere." I mumble to myself. Did Bella always put ketchup on their sandwiches? How had I not noticed that?

I fix her cheese sandwich into four triangles with a ketchup smiley face on each one and the smile is instant. Nessie happily digs into her dinner and I'm glad I can please her so easily. With Charlie, things are easy. He's my boy and we bond over sports and cars and video games. Nessie likes dolls, and I love my daughter, but I don't do dolls. She takes awhile to warm up to me and although she does in the end, it's like starting all over again the following weekend i have them.

After dinner and baths we curl up for movies on the couch. That seems to be our new routine, dinner and movies friday night. The park on Saturday. Its Nessie's turn to pick a movie much to Charlie's dismay. My heart swells at Nessie's pajamas, the are bright pink with hearts and 'daddy's girl' written on her shirt. I know Bella packed them on purpose and It makes me miss her. Half way through the movie they are both out like a light, Charlie snoring on the floor and Nessie asleep against my side. I pull her into my lap and just sit there staring at the T.V.

I'm miserable. I've been miserable since the day Bella kicked me out. Why did I ever let this happen?

Having to see Bella every time I picked up the kids was torture. She was beautiful, more so every time I see her and I know no woman will ever make my heart race like she does. I want so badly to tell her that, to tell her I _miss_ her. That I _still_ love her.

But I don't say anything. That wouldn't be fair to her.

She's over me, over us. I had failed her and our family. You only get so many chances and I had cashed in on all of mine.

I try to convince myself that we did the right thing. We were fighting constantly and it was hurting our kids, not just our marriage. There was a point where we both knew we couldn't fix things any more and it was better to end things before we ended up enemies. It was harder to convince myself that things were for the best every time I see her, though.

Because truth of the matter was I wasn't thinking about the arguments today, or the hurt, or the divorce.

I was thinking about the first day I ever saw her, first time I kissed her. I was thinking about our wedding day and every time we had made love. How she blushed under my touch and how I used to make her smile.

Things had been easy, perfect. When did it get so bad?

I run my hands through my hair before lifting Nessie up into my arms and putting her to bed. I decide to let Charlie sleep in the living room considering he'll be up in six hours with the cartoons on anyways. I tuck him into the sleeping bag he is sprawled out on and kiss him on the forehead. I hope he knows how much I love him. Somedays I worry my kids don't know just how much they mean to me.

Saturday flies by into Sunday and once again I'm parked in the corner of the Forks Community Park waiting for Bella to pull in. I'm early, I know this without even looking at the clock because she is never late. When she pulls up aside me I empty out my backset, the toys and clothes and Nessie's BB as my kids run to Bella like their lifeline. She hugs and kisses them, laughing as Nessie tells her about my grilled cheese. I groan internally that my daughter is making me look like an amateur until I realize she is telling her how I put _four_ smile faces on. Apparently Bella only puts _one_ big one.

Edward 1, Bella 0.

I try to smile at this but I can't. Bella is wearing my favorite shirt of hers and her hair is in a messy bun, no doubt she has been at work. She's stunning. I think she gets lonely without the kids. I know I would if I had the chance to be home. Fact is I volunteer for endless shifts when I can so I don't have to go back to my empty condo.

"How were they?" She asks shyly taking the blanket from me as I place the rest of their things in the trunk.

"They were fine, you know that." I smile. We had raised some amazing kids. _She_ had raised some amazing kids.

When I go to give Bella Nessie's barbie I drop it on the ground accidentally. I bend over to grab it, but Bella is already thinking the same thing and our hands end up grabbing each other. We look at each other awkwardly for a minute before she pulls away. For a second, I revel in touching her again. I imagine we are a family again. That I didn't royally fuck up me life.

I want so badly to tell her everything i'm thinking. It's screaming in my mind, my ears are roaring. But I don't say anything, theres too many questions and little ears around for me to say anything.

_I miss you. I miss everything we had together. I love you. I'm sorry._

"Charlie has a soccer game on Wednesday if you aren't working." She says to fill in the silence.

"I'll do my best to make it." I say and she nods before taking the barbie and putting it in the trunk and slamming it shut.

She turns to walk away and for a second I contemplate what I can say to make her stay for another minute. Anything. Just to talk to her. I miss that more than anything.

"Bella!" I yell a bit too loudly and she turns confused. "I … they had a late lunch so they may not be very hungry for dinner." I blurt out and instantly feel stupid.

"Alright." She smiles before opening her door. "Bye Edward." She whispers.

"Bye." I say to myself as she pulls away from her parking spot. I wave to the kids as she drives away, every piece of heart I have in that small honda civic.

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Tear anyone?

So what did you think? I've written a few other chapters for these characters and I'm thinking of turning it into a full story if I get enough interest!


	2. Defining moment 25

Thanks so much for the reviews! I have decided to continue with the story, I hope everyone will keep reading. Please share your thoughts, I'd love to hear them!

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**EPOV**

There are many defining moments that one goes through in their lifetime. You hear about your first steps and your first day of school from your parents and you roll your eyes because honestly, big deal. It's the bigger things, the ones you will remember forever. Your first kiss, your high school graduation, and if your lucky your college one. You remember these things, they've changed you, made you who your are today.

_Defining moment # 2- in the third grade when I punched Mike Newton for telling everyone my sister killed my mother. _My mother had died in childbirth with Alice and she always thought it was her fault. My father took me home but instead of grounding me, we had banana splits and watched power rangers all day. He told me he was proud of me and to never let a guy talk to a girl that way.

_Defining moment # 5- the day my father introduced me to his new girlfriend, Esme. _Granted, I had no involvement in them meeting but I would later see how much that day changed my life. Esme was kind and supportive. She loved my dad and she loved my sister and I like we were her own. She had become my mother in every way that mattered and I knew our childhood would have been much different without her.

_Defining moment # 9- the day I met Emmett Swan. _The new kid in school was big and scary and to be honest I wanted nothing to do with him. He obviously could beat the crap out of me and I wasn't interested in bullies. But all it took was one mention of his favorite band being _Offspring _and we were best friends for life. Little did I know he would introduce me to the one woman that would change me forever.

_Defining moment # 22- the first time someone called me Dr. Cullen. _For once they weren't referring to my surgeon father. It was me in that hospital room, I was the doctor. I had worked my ass off for this moment and I had never felt more proud.

I didn't think getting _divorced_ would be on my list of life changing moments.

She looked as beautiful as ever sitting across from me in the small law office, and I resented her for that for some reason. I didn't want to do this, I wasn't ready to let go of the only girl I had loved for over 15 years but it didn't seem like I had much of a choice. We had tried to work through our problems, we had tried trial separation, but nothing seemed to be able to fix what was broken. So here I was, sitting across from my wife of six years, my girlfriend of nine. My best friend since the 6th grade.

Now as I looked at her beautiful face, her eyes that I had lost myself in for years and years. All I saw was disappointment. Hate. Sadness. How could she want this? This wasn't so suppose to be the ending to our story.

The long hours during my residency had really hurt our relationship and it only got worse when we had our son, Charlie. Here is a tip everyone, having a child _does not _fix a marriage. We had been ecstatic when we found out Bella was pregnant and for awhile it did mend our relationship but leaving your wife alone day after day to raise a baby isn't what the doctor ordered for a marriage. Eventually we were arguing every day about things that didn't even matter. We just didn't know how to communicate anymore. We tried to have another baby, hoping to hold onto a time when things were good between us. Vanessa, Nessie, was born a little over a year after Charlie and she was beautiful. She made us happy, she brought a light back into our relationship. For a while.

Unfortunately by then I was an attending physician in the ER and was lucky if I got to eat three meals a day let alone see my family. She blamed me for not being there and I blamed her for not being supportive. She knew how hard my career was going to be on us, before we even thought about marriage, but I don't think she realized just how much it would break us. I know I didn't.

"Edward? Are you still with us?" I snap out of my thoughts at the sound of my lawyer's question.

"Yea, Sorry." I mumble, sitting up and running a hand through my hair, a habit my wife use to adore. Now, as we made eye contact across the table she looks right through me, her eyes so vacant of emotion. I feel like I might throw up.

James, my old friend and now lawyer is reading through the contracts, who will get what belongings and where the money will be split. I find myself not listening as I think of how screwed up this has all gotten. Why am I here? I should be standing up; I should tell her I don't want this.

_Don't give up on us._

It's screaming in my head but I can't seem to open my mouth. We hadn't given up. We had tried. Well, she had tried. Being an ER physician, it wasn't like I could change my schedule around to be home more. I could have an 8-hour shift and it would always turn into 12 hours or more. A car accident, a broken bone, someone rushing in needing emergency surgery. I was dedicated, I love medicine and I love saving lives.

If only I could have saved my marriage.

There were many nights I would come home to a cold dinner sitting in the refrigerator, Bella and the kids already in bed. At first I would wake her, apologize. But eventually I knew she didn't want to hear it anymore and I stopped. When apologies become the only words husband and wife exchange, the words don't seem to mean as much anymore. Weeks of her reaching out turned into weeks of me missing dinner, movie dates, and kids events. Eventually she just expected it, and that hurt more then anything.

She stopped reminding me about Charlie's soccer games and Nessie's dance recitals.

She stopped leaving dinner for me.

She stopped talking to me all together.

When one night of me sleeping on the coach turned into three weeks, I knew it was over. I came home in the middle of the night after a long shift to find Bella at the table waiting for me.

_"You're up. I figured you would be in bed already," I said looking at my watch. It was 2:17am, why was she up still?_

_"I think we should talk," she whispered. I didn't have to wait around to hear what she had to say, I already knew. We hadn't spoken in days, not a word, not even a fight. I never thought I would miss fighting with her, but anything would have been better than this. We didn't even have the energy to pick a fight with each other anymore. _

_My heart started beating rapidly, I was sure it was going to beat right out of my chest. My palms started sweating. I knew what was coming._

_"Bella-"_

_"No, please. Just let me get this out…" She started, her voice shaky. The tears were already streaming down her cheeks. "I can't.. I can't do this anymore Edward. I think we both know that sooner or later we are going to have to face the facts here and it's just not working between us anymore." _

_No. No. Don't do this! My mind was racing but I couldn't seem to speak. _

_"Bella… I'm sorry I know I haven't been around, but I've been trying-"_

_"Are you kidding me?" She interrupted me before jumping out of her seat, a furious look on her face. "You've been trying? When have you been trying Edward? When you come home four hours late? When you miss yet another one of your son's games? Or no, it must be when you blew me off last week for dinner and I sat in that fucking restaurant for two hours praying you would show up but knowing you never would!" _

_"I know! Okay, I know and I'm sorry I know I haven't been around. I try to get out of work but sometimes I just can't Bella you know that!" I said trying to plead with her. _

_"It doesn't even matter anymore Edward. I've become so used to you not being there, it's almost strange when you are. That's not a marriage…" she wiped her eyes before taking a deep breath. "I can't keep going on like this, it's not getting any better… I think, I think it's just getting worse. We've tried, we have but, god, the kids are noticing and… it's effecting them." _

_I could see the pain in her face as she spoke. I never wanted to hurt my kids, I loved them. We tried to keep our arguments private and our issues hidden but kids aren't stupid._

_"Bella, I'm begging you… just don't give up on us, not yet okay? Give me another chance to fix this. Please," I begged as I grabbed her hand. She looked so torn and I knew she didn't want to give up._

_"I'm sorry," She whispered, her glassy ears tearing into me. "I'm done… we're holding onto something that isn't there anymore… please, just let me go." She said with so much heartbreak before her hand brushed against my cheek. _

_I was frozen, like I couldn't articulate any words. Was this really happening?_

_"Bella, I love you." I choked out, the only thing I could think to say. No amount of apologies and pleading was going to change this. I had failed her and I knew that. But I loved her, that had never changed. She had to know that._

_"I love you too E, that was never the problem." She said, more tears running down her face. I searched for something, anything, in my mind that would make her hold on just a little longer. I could fix this, us, I knew I could. If only I could find the words._

_"Goodbye." She said, turning around and walking up the stairs. I moved out the next day._

"No, that isn't what we agreed to!" Bella argued suddenly, again bringing me back to the present. It was the first thing she had said since we sat down in this ugly yellow office.

"Bella it's not unreasonable for him to have to pay his share. He's their father." Her lawyer, Rosalie, argued. Rosalie, yes Emmett's wife and my soon to be ex sister-in-law. That Rosalie.

This divorce was very awkward for all of us to have to deal with. I had been great friends with Bella's brother for years but now I felt like he was just another piece in our divorce. You can keep your friends and I'll keep mine. Bella hadn't wanted Rosalie as a lawyer, she didn't want to mix family in our problems but Rosalie wasn't about to let someone else fight for her sister.

"I don't care, " Bella said, her long brown hair falling in her face as she ducked her head. "Joint custody. That is what we agreed on. I don't want the kids suffering anymore then they already are. He shouldn't be paying child support to me he should be taking the kids when he can. That's what I want, we already agreed." She ended, looking up at me and I swallowed the lump in my throat. Her eyes were full of tears.

When we had first decided to make our separation permanent, I made damn sure she knew I was going to be in my children's lives. She wanted nothing less and I knew she wouldn't deny me my time with them. She wouldn't take them from my in spite. That wasn't Bella. She was better than that.

"Every other weekend the kids are with me," I said directing my shitty mood towards Rosalie. " And every other holiday. If that isn't enough for you then-"

"No. No child support." Bella interrupted, essentially ending the argument with just her tone.

"Fine. If that's what you agreed on." Rosalie spit at me. She hadn't been too fond of me since Bella and I announced we were separating and I couldn't blame her. She was Bella's sister, and I could only imagine the things Bella told her.

Would we ever be friends again? I was the best man in her wedding! But more than that I was the guy that broke her sister's heart in pieces. She would never look at me the same, who did I think I was kidding.

"Edward, if you would just sign here." James asked sliding over the papers in front of me. I looked at them as if they were on fire, I didn't even want to touch them, look at them. Was I really letting this happen? Had we been through this much to just walk away?

_Defining moment # 10- Meeting Bella Swan._

_I was in the sixth grade when Emmett and Bella moved to Forks to live with their father. Their parents divorced and they were thrust into a new school in the middle of the year. Emmett was an angry kid and Bella was very shy. After Emmett and I became friends, we literally spent every second together. One day, while doing homework at his house, I met his little sister. Isabella. _

_"Bella. It's just Bella." she had said to me, her foot swaying back in forth in front of her. She was obviously shy as she hid her face behind her wavy brown her. She was pretty, but honestly I wasn't into girls at the time. I wasn't into Emmett kicking my ass either._

_"I'm Edward."_

_That was all it took, from then on the three of us were inseparable. Emmett and Bella were very close so he always included her in our plans, not that I minded. Bella and I had more in common than any other two people on the planet. Emmett used to say we were the same person in the opposite sex's body. When my grandfather died in seventh grade it wasn't Emmett who stayed locked in my tree house with me for two days, it was Bella. And when her dad had a heart attack a year later, I sat in the hospital with her everyday, all day, until he recovered._

_We could tell each other anything, and she could always put a smile on my face. _

_When Emmett and I entered high school, the only thing that kept us tight was sports. Emmett starting dating, a lot. He was the ultimate flirt in school and finally he snagged Rosalie at the end of freshmen year and the rest was history. This gave me more time to hang out with Bella though, without Emmett. It was clear fairly quickly that I was head over heels. She was beautiful, smart, and funny. She had the best laugh and I was constantly begging for her attention. Finally half way through my sophomore year, I kissed her surprising the both of us. She was rambling about something that happened during class and I just kissed her. I'd never forget the look on her face._

_After getting a few punches from Emmett and a sex talk from her father, a.k.a the don't touch my daughter speech, Bella and I were official. We spent every waking minute together and I never looked back. She was everything to me._

"Edward.." James kicked my shoe under the table and nodded his head towards the table. He was looking at me like I was crazy and I realized I had been starting at the papers for a good minute of so.

I looked up at Bella one last time, hoping I would see something in her eyes to tell me not to sign the papers. She was looking down at her hands as she fidgeted in her seat.

I picked up the pen with shaky hands, scribbling my John Hancock on the dotted line. I slid the paper back towards James before excusing myself and darting out of the room. I made it to the bathroom just before I spilled the contents of my breakfast. Cheap hospital coffee and losing the love of your life can really have an effect on one's stomach.

I can't believe this is really happening.

_Defining moment # 25- Divorcing my wife._

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Thoughts? I wanted to go back a little in the story and give some background. The rest of the story will be later on with some flashbacks here and there. I'm thinking of keeping it mostly EPOV, what do you guys think?


	3. Coming to terms

**Thanks so much for all of the reviews! Here is the next chapter, I hope to update once a week if possible. Any feedback is welcome!**

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EPOV**

Another long shift at the hospital had left me drained and miserable. Not only did I get thrown up on, twice, but a 13-year-old girl had died after a head injury. If that wasn't bad enough, Jasper, my good friend and brother-in-law had informed me he was leaving Forks Memorial Hospital to start his own practice. I was thrilled for him, don't get me wrong I mean it had been his dream for years, but his decision had left me feeling empty.

I was feeling extremely disappointed with my life. After dropping the kids off with Bella this past weekend, I realized just how much I was missing out on. Having the kids every other weekend just wasn't good enough, I was missing their everyday lives. I couldn't even get a grilled cheese sandwich right and my own daughter looked at me like a stranger. This isn't exactly how I had pictured my life ending up.

Medicine use to leave me fulfilled and proud, but it seemed like lately it wasn't enough. I had worked so hard to get where I was in my career, I had a failed marriage to prove it. Yet, I wasn't happy with where my life was going. Endless shifts and hospital gossip gets old fast and I was tired. I wanted to look forward to something again, and all I had to look forward to was a small lonely apartment to go home to. These were the nights I missed Bella the most.

I grabbed my jacket from my locker, throwing my stethoscope on the shelf and slammed it shut. I heard the door open behind me, Jasper walking in with a sandwich in hand.

"Hey man, you heading out finally?" he asked before sitting at the small table in the corner. I realized he was just eating lunch, now at 3:30pm. But this wasn't unusual here.

"Yea, I should have left hours ago, I need to get home and shower if I'm going to make Charlie's game," I said as I made my way to the door.

"Hey-" He said stopping me as I pushed the door open. "How are you holding up? No offense but, well you just don't look too good lately." He said, a sympathetic smile on his face. I didn't like to talk about the divorce to anyone but Jasper knew how badly it had hurt me. My sister, his wife, Alice had been one of Bella's best friends for years and our tight knit group had taken a hard hit during our divorce. I buried myself in my work, but I couldn't run forever. I missed my friends, my family, me wife. Well, _ex-wife._ I hated that word.

"Doing the best I can I guess. Tell Alice I said hi." I said before walking out the door. He always made the time to call Alice during his lunch. Always. Why had I been such an idiot? If I had taken two minutes of my day to call Bella and let her know I was thinking of her, because I was _always _fucking thinking of her, maybe she wouldn't have doubted us.

I drove like a mad man back to my apartment, showering quickly and grabbing an apple as I ran back out the door. I hadn't eaten anything all day but charlie's game had already started by now and I was determined to make the end of it. I had promised I would try to make it, I made sure to let him know I would be there cheering him on and I wasn't about to break another promise. When we had gone to the park on saturday he had asked me to help him practice for his game. I could tell how important this was to him and I was sad that I hadn't been to any of his games yet.

_"Dad, do you think I could be like David Beckham when I grown up?" he asked as we passed the ball back and forth. We had lost Nessie's attention about five minutes in and she opted for the playground instead._

_"David Beckham huh? Well, I think you could be way better than him!" I said with enthusiasm. His face lit up like a kid on christmas. "You just need to keep practicing." I said kicking the ball back his way._

_"Yea, I don't have anyone to practice with, though." He sighed picking the ball up from the ground. "Don't tell mommy, but she sucks at soccer." he rolled his eyes._

_I tried to contain my laughter but is was useless. I could just imagine Bella trying to play sports, what a disaster. She was one of the clumsiest people I had ever met, in an endearing sort of way._

_"Well we're practicing now right?" I asked walking towards him._

_"Yea, I guess." He didn't seem convinced and I was starting to see how my not being around was affecting him._

When I pulled up to the field, I sighed with relief when I saw the kids still playing. I hadn't missed the game. I ran over to the bleachers as I scanned the players for Charlie when I realized I didn't know his number. I didn't know my son's number. I was a complete screw up as a father.

"Edward?" I heard from behind me and turned around to see Bella, sleeping Nessie on one hip and two waters in her other hand. She was clearly having trouble balancing the two. The look on her face only confirmed that she never expected to see me here.

"Hey…oh, let me help you." I said grabbing the waters from her hand and she adjusted Nessie on her hip.

"What are you doing here?" She asked looking completely confused.

"I came to watch Charlie, you told me about the game on Sunday when you picked up the kids," I said nonchalantly as if it was completely normal for me to be there when in all honesty I had never made it to a game. I was such a dick.

"Oh, right. I.. I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude I just didn't expect to see you here," She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and my heart sank. God, she was beautiful. "You usually have work."

"I worked a double so I managed to get out of there in time." I explained. "How is he doing?" I asked hoping to change the subject from my horrible parenting.

"He's having a bit of a hard time, he gets too down on himself I think," she said shrugging her shoulders as she looked out onto the field. I could see Charlie now, number 10. It was actually quite amusing watching a bunch of four to six year olds trying to play soccer.

"Come on Charlie!" Bella yelled next to me and I smiled to myself. She was always there for the kids, always. I wanted to be able to say the same… it was time I got my shit together.

"Do you want me to take her?" I asked nodding to Nessie. Bella was still holding her, Nessie's head resting on Bella's shoulder and I was quite impressed she could sleep through all of this noise.

"She wouldn't take a nap for me today," she explained looking sheepish as if she was a bad mother because her kid wouldn't take a nap. If only she knew I had to read at least three books to the kids before they would settle down for me.

"Your arm must be getting tired, let me take her for a while." I said holding my arms out. She looked at me like I had five heads before passing Nessie over to me.

"Thanks." She said politely. "You must be tired, you worked a double shift?" She asked like I was crazy.

"Yea, I really wanted to make it here… it's nothing I haven't done before." I said trying to brush it off although I was completely exhausted. The look on her face told me I had hit a sore spot and I realized just how many times I worked a double shift and never made it home to her.

"Yeah." she whispered before turning her attention back to the game. We didn't speak again for the rest of the game.

It was slightly awkward being there with Bella, the two of us on the sidelines cheering on Charlie. Here I was, standing next to me ex-wife and the woman I was still madly in love with and I felt like a 16 year-old boy trying to think of something to say on his first date. When Charlie ran over to Bella at the end of the game, I don't think he even noticed I was there. She scooped him up giving him a big kiss, and of course he wiped it off, being the big boy he was and all.

"Mom did you see! Did you see, I almost made a goal!" He yelled at her as he waved his arms around.

"I saw, I'm so proud of you!" she said squeezing him tightly. She smiled at me over his shoulder and I smiled back.

"Charlie, did you see who came to watch you play?" She asked but kept her eyes on me. Was it okay that I had come? I thought she would be happy with me, but noticing how uncomfortable I had made her I wasn't so sure now.

He turned around to see me standing there finally and his eyes bugged out of his head.

"Daddy! Daddy!" He yelled squirming out of Bella's grasp and diving for me. My heart had never felt so big before.

I bent down the best I could with Nessie in my arms and ruffled his hair.

"Hey buddy, you were great out there," I encouraged. "David Beckham doesn't have a thing on you." I whispered giving him a wink and Bella looked at me curiously.

"Are you coming to pizza too dad?" he asked expectantly. I looked at Bella for help.

"Pizza?"

"Yea mommy lets us get pizza after my games as long as I'm not a port sport." he said with a matter of fact tone and I smiled.

"Poor sport honey," Bella corrected. "I think Daddy has to be getting home… why don't you say goodbye to Coach Newton so we can get going."

He huffed before walking towards the coach, clearly disappointed with Bella's answer. He wasn't the only one. I handed Nessie back to Bella who barely even blinked an eye at the movement and brushed her hair. She was getting so big and this was the most I had been able to hold her for a long time.

"Bella?" I asked getting her attention before she walked away. "Maybe, well I was thinking maybe I could take them to pizza?"

She was clearly shocked and I was nervous. I was nervous that she would say no, that she would laugh at me and my sudden sanity. It wasn't my night to take the kids and I had never asked Bella to take them outside of my weekends. I wasn't sure if I was stepping on toes but I had to try. You have to start somewhere right?

"You want to take them to dinner?" She asked and I nodded.

"I know it's your tradition and I don't want to step on any toes or anything, I just… I just wanted to spend some time with them." I explained shrugging my shoulders and I could have sworn I saw her fight a smile.

"Okay, I'm sure Charlie would love that."

I could barely contain my laughter that evening at dinner. Charlie was one of the funniest kids out there, I was sure of it. Okay, maybe I was being bias, but it had been a long time since I had been able to take my kids out and have a great time. We woke Nessie up at the field so she wouldn't panic when she woke up with me and she was actually very talkative. We shared a pizza and played arcade games for two hours before I drove them back to Bella's.

That was when the panic set in.

I hadn't been to our house, Bella's house, since the day I moved out. We had agreed to meet in the parking lot at the park instead and I had never had a reason to come back here. I had really missed it. I remember the day we bought the house, Bella had fell in love with it when we passed it randomly one day on our way to Emmett's and I called the realtor the next day. We had been so happy then.

_"Keep your eyes closed!" I laughed as I worked to shift Bella through the large front door without her tripping. It had taken all but an arm and a leg to convince her to put on the blindfold and she was getting antsy._

_"E, what did you do?" She asked skeptically. She always complained that she hated surprises, but I knew she secretly loved them._

_"Hold on, almost there." I said positioning her in the middle of the living room. "Okay, open them."_

_I moved the blindfold from her eyes and the smile on her face fell as she took in her surroundings._

_"Oh my god. Edward, did you?" she said spinning around._

_"I thought you'd be happy." I said disappointed with her reaction. We had only been married four months and I was still in my residency but I had the money. I wanted to give her something she had been dreaming of. I already had everything I had ever dreamed of. I was a doctor, and I had Bella. I couldn't imagine ever needing anything else._

_"Are you kidding me? I love it!" She said jumping into my arms. I breathed a sigh of relief before crushing her to me. "I can't believe you did this." She said burying her face into my neck._

_"I'd give you everything you asked for if I could Bella. I know how much you wanted this house." I said kissing her forehead. She peeked up at me, a huge smile on her face. "You really like it? I know I should have talked to you first but-"_

_She cut me off with her lips, kissing me deeply. I brought my hands through her hair pulling her closer to me. God I had missed this. I had been spending so much time at the hospital lately, we didn't get to spend nearly enough time together._

_"I love it. And I love you, so much. I don't deserve you." She whispered, her hand on my cheek._

_"I love you too, baby."_

The house still looked the same, yet it seemed so different. The feeling that settled over me sitting in that driveway would have knocked me off my feet if I had been standing. I was dropping off my kids at home only it wasn't my home anymore. I wanted my family back.

"Dad?" Charlie asked from the backseat as I looked at him through the rear-view. "Are we going to get out of the car?" He asked annoyed.

"Yea sorry buddy, I think I was day dreaming a little."

"Gramma says it's good to day dream." He said sounding so mature. He must have been talking about Bella's mother, Renee. She was a bit of a space case.

"Dad, if mommy goes on a date with Coach Newton would you punch him?" he asks suddenly and my entire dinner felt like it was now sitting in my throat.

Bella on a _date_? What? When did this happen?

"What do you mean Charlie? Did mommy go on a date with your soccer coach?" I ask trying to keep my voice steady but failing miserably.

"No, but Aunt Rose says he is always flirming with her and that she shoulda went on a date with him when he asked," he explained, pronouncing flirting completely wrong. "But I know that if you punch him-"

"Charlie, i'm not punching anyone. Where did you come up with that?" I say slightly frustrated. We hadn't been divorced _that _long, I couldn't even think of dating someone else and Bella's was going out on dates? Well, ok apparently she was declining dates but that wasn't the point. I couldn't begin to imagine her with someone else and I'm a little shocked I hadn't thought of this before. What would it be like if she started dating someone else, or worse married someone else?

Had I completely missed this at the game? Were they making goggily eyes at each other across the field? Is that why she didn't seem to want me there?

"That's what spongebob did." He said before looking back out the car window. Spongebob, well maybe that wasn't the best influence.

"Let's get you guys inside." I said before pulling them out of the car and walking them up to the door. Should I knock? Was that silly, I mean I used to live here. God, was i still breathing?

I decided to knock, but Charlie just bust through the door anyways. Bella came around the corner, her head peaking into the hallway when she heard the commotion. She smiled at me briefly as she set her glass of wine down on the corner table.

"Hey did you guys have a good time with daddy?" She asked helping Nessie unzip her coat. She had chocolate all over her face from dessert and Bella laughed as she tried to wipe it off of her mouth. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Sorry about that, I couldn't get it all off." I laughed as I shifted uncomfortably on my feet. I was either ten seconds away from throwing up or a heart attack, I wasn't sure which. I couldn't get the idea of Bella with another guy out of my head or the irony of me standing in this house laughing with my ex-wife.

"Why don't you guys head upstairs and get into your pajamas? I'll be up in a minute." she said scooting them upstairs as they yelled their goodbyes to me. She turned to face me, fidgeting with Nessie's coat in her hand before finally hanging it on the coat hooks.

"Thank you. For taking them… I'm sure it really meant a lot to them." She said shoving her hands in her pockets. She was nervous.

"You don't have to thank me Bella, they're my kids... I wanted to take them." I said a little disappointed. They were my kids, I didn't need a thank you for taking them to dinner.

"I didn't mean it like that-"

"No, I know. I'm sorry.. it's just been a long day." I said suddenly feeling like a jackass. I didn't want to make her feel bad. Why couldn't we just talk like normal people!

"Well, I'm glad you were able to come to Charlie's game. He'll be talking about it for days i'm sure." she sighed. "He misses you, when he's not with you."

"Bella… I know I haven't been there as much as I should… but I want to be. I want to change that." I said hoping she will believe me. "I'm going to try and take them more, if that's okay. Not just my weekends."

"You can take them whenever you want Edward, their your kids too." she said but I knew she didn't believe me. Why should she? I had never followed through on anything I had promised in the past three years. The only way I was going to prove it to her was by showing her.

"Thank you." I said before turning towards the door. I wanted to say it, I was biting my tongue so hard I was sure it was bleeding. "I know it's none of my business but… Charlie said something to me in the car, something about his Coach."

If it was possible for her to have looked more nervous, she did. It was clear that the topic of Charlie's coach was not one she wanted to discuss with me and I suddenly had a million thoughts running through my head.

_Maybe she had actually went out with him, and if she hadn't, maybe she was thinking about it. Maybe she really liked the guy. Did he like her or was he just an ass that wanted to sleep with her? Did my kids like him?_

"What did he say?" she asked when I hadn't continued.

"Well, he asked me… he asked if I would punch Coach Newton if you two went out on a date." I say avoiding eye contact with her. When I finally looked up she looked shocked and I could tell she wasn't expecting that to come out of my mouth.

"He said that? Where would he get that idea from-"

"He overheard you and Rose talking." I say interrupting her and I could see the recognition on her face. Damn it, it was true. He had asked her out. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up I just thought you might want to talk to him."

"No, you're right. I should say something… punching?" She asked suddenly realizing what Charlie had said to me.

"Oh, yea. Spongebob." I said rolling my eyes. "Who knows... I told him I wasn't going to punch anyone, but maybe he should lay off the spongebob for awhile." I laughed sourly. I was bitter. Really bitter.

"It's not like I let him watch fight club, it's spongebob-" She started clearly getting defensive.

"That's not what I meant. I wasn't saying it was your fault." Great, this was already turning into a fight. The most we had talked in months and we couldn't finish a conversation without fighting.

We both were silent for a moment. I was trying to plan my escape, or at least how I could rewind the last five minutes and never bring up douche boy Coach Newton in the first place.

"Edward.." She started. "About Mike-"

"Mike? We call him Mike?" I said rudely. I knew I was being an ass but I could control it. I didn't want anyone near Bella. I wasn't ready to loose her.

And that's when I realized.

I had lost her a long time ago. I had been holding onto the hope that things would change miraculously and we would get back together like nothing happened but the truth was, we were divorced. I had put our marriage second for too long, I had put my career above my family, and now I was paying the price. I had lost Bella along time ago and I needed to face that fact.

If I wanted to fix things, I needed to step up before someone else did.

"Yes, his name is Mike okay." She said clearly put off by my rude response. "And yes he has asked me out before, for coffee. It was harmless and it is so none of your business but I didn't even go. I will talk to Charlie, I didn't realize he was listening." she said pausing for a moment. "But Edward… don't you ever come in here acting like I would be doing something wrong by going out with a nice guy. You have no right." She said strongly before turning around and walking up the stairs whispering a quiet but dismissive goodnight to me.

By the time I made it back to my apartment I wasn't sure what to think. I should have kept my mouth shut because she was right, I had no right. We had loved each other so strongly but we couldn't seem to makes things work after they had gone so far south. It had been both our faults, we hadn't denied that. But mostly, what I was realizing, was that it was me who had failed our relationship. I had put my career ahead of my marriage without even trying to. I took for granted that Bella would always be there, and I still did. Even though we were no longer together, I never imagined she would move on. How could she, I know I never could. But that was stupid and unrealistic.

Suddenly things were falling into place. What I needed to do to get my priorities in order. I was seeing so clearly what mattered most and it was time I got my life back on track. I wanted to be the father my kids deserved. I wanted to be happy again. I knew there was no turning back for Bella and I, but maybe we could move forward. Together, or not.

_Defining moment # 28- realizing that everyday you are living, you aren't really living at all._

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**Please review!**


	4. I'm doing alright, for the shape i'm in

**Thanks for all of the reviews! I'm so glad you guys are liking the story! Here is the next chapter, we get to see a little more of the other characters finally!**

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"Paging Dr. Edward Cullen to the ER. Paging Dr. Edward Cullen to the ER."_

I groaned internally as I heard the overhead pager going off. I had barely taken a bite of my dinner or sat down for the past six hours and I was exhausted. I had been working for over 24 hours now and I was sure this is what hell was like. Thanksgiving always brought in quite the crowd for some reason, and I was wishing more then anything that I had not picked this holiday to work. I missed my kids and I really hated that I had to spend the holidays away from them.

Bella had agreed to let me take them more often and it had been great having them around. I tried to take them at least twice a week, other then my weekends, but more then often I was called in to work. We played it by ear though and Bella was being really supportive. I knew that she just wanted them to be able to spend time with me, that was all that mattered.

My parents had offered to do thanksgiving dinner early so that I could be involved but I had politely declined. After Bella and I split up, I had started to avoid my family, especially on holidays. It wasn't their fault, they were concerned and of course hammered me with questions about how I was doing and such but I just couldn't handle it. I wasn't doing well at all, but that's not really what anyone wants to tell their mother is it? They all loved Bella and had really been hoping we would work things out, I know how disappointed they were when I told them about the divorce. Jasper was the only one that seemed to understand. He worked with me in the ER and he knew how crazy things got. I had been promoted to interim Chief of the ER while one of the doctors was on maternity leave and I had been thrilled about it, even when she had extended her maternity leave. I had worked my ass off for this opportunity, but it certainly came with a price.

_"Dude, you look like hell. You need to go home." Jasper said, knocking me on the back of the head to wake me up. _

_I had been at work for 32 hours now, my longest shift yet. There was too much to do, we were short staffed and as Chief it was my responsibility to make sure everything ran smoothly. Easier said then done._

_"Can't, I need to wait for Morez to get here. I had to call him in on his damn vacation." I muttered annoyed with our lack of staff. Dr. Morez was suppose to be off all week, but that was the life of an ER physician._

_"He'll understand. It's not like they haven't done that to us a hundred times." Jasper rolled his eyes at me before plopping on the couch. "Bella's going to kill you man, just go. I'll stay till he gets here." he said waving me towards the door._

_"No, I appreciate it but I'm not going to make you stay past your shift too. He should be here soon." I didn't want to make Jasper stay late, especially when Alice was in town. Alice worked as a retail representative for a boutique in Seattle. I had no idea exactly what she did but she travelled a lot for business and wasn't home more then three nights a week. This however worked perfectly for Jasper. He was usually able to pick up shifts that coincided with Alice's trips and since they didn't have any kids, it worked out great for them. Their marriage was going strong._

_Mine on the other hand, not so much. _

_Bella and I hadn't been getting along for awhile now but after she had kicked me out three months ago it seemed like things had started to get better. She let me move back in after three weeks and I promised to spend more time at home. I stopped asking for multiple shifts and although I got quite a bit of slack from my boss, it was nice being home with my family. I had missed the way things had been between Bella and I, our relationship used to be so easy. We started spending more time together, with the kids and without, and I really thought things were back to normal. _

_When my father informed me that he had heard talk of them finding a new chief while Dr. Anderson was on maternity leave, my head starting spinning. I wanted that position, that would advance my career in many ways and I was itching to get back into the crazy pace of the ER. When my name was put on the table, I started working long hours ago and kissing Anderson's ass until finally I got the offer. I had raced home to tell Bella, and although she said she was happy for me, her face said otherwise. If I only knew how much that one decision would change things._

_Three months later, Anderson had her baby and I sat at my desk, ER CHIEF written beautifully across my lab coat. I was proud, but I sure as hell wasn't happy. I wasn't sitting reading charts and endless hospital papers. I was reviewing my divorce papers._

These long shifts were really starting to wear on me. I just didn't seem to have the energy and drive I used to. When I had been working towards Attending, I jumped at the opportunity to work. I needed the experience and the time, not to mention I got to work with some of the most experienced doctors we had, including my father. Now, I really wished I had a 9-5 job these days. Dr. Anderson would be back after the new year and I was hoping things would slow down after that.

Bella would be dropping off the kids tomorrow and I was more then excited to see them, and her. Charlie's birthday was coming up and I was getting a little nervous about bringing it up to Bella. Was she having a party, would I be able to come? I couldn't imagine missing his birthday party. Would we have to have separate parties with our sides of the family now? God, this was awful.

After I put my foot in my mouth at Bella's over her dating, we hadn't spoken much. When we even saw each other. Two of the times I had picked up the kids, they had been with Bella's father. When she was suppose to pick them up from their last weekend with me, I was surprised to get a call from my mother asking me to drop off the kids to her. Apparently Bella had to spend her night at the bakery organizing for the week and my mother had jumped at the opportunity to take the kids for the night. Yes, my mother and Bella talked. All the time. I was annoyed Bella hadn't asked me to keep them longer but I realized I had mentioned having to work that night. Damn.

I threw out my dinner before slamming the tray on top of the garbage and made my way towards the ER. The rest of the night flew by fairly quickly and I managed to escape around midnight, hoping to get some decent sleep in before the kids came. I was surprised to see a voicemail lighting up my phone as I walked to the parking lot.

"_Hi Edward, it's me._" my heart jumped into my throat at the sound of Bella's voice. " _I know you're working and i'm sure you're really busy, um.. well the kids just wanted to say something… hang on_."

I head rustling sounds and voices in the background before Charlie's voice screamed into the phone.

"_Dad! Hi dad, happy thanksgiving_." he yelled excitedly into the phone and I couldn't help but smile. I heard Bella say something to him before he started talking again. "_Oh yea, hey dad? Guess what, I made you a turkey hat at school. Isn't that cool? Mom said I can bring it tomorrow. I'm going to bring my new movie too-_" he started to ramble before being interrupted. "_Fine. Ness wants to say something._" he huffed and handed over the phone.

"_Happy thanksgiving Daddy_." Nessie whispered into the phone. She never liked the idea of talking on the phone but I knew that would change, she was a girl after all. My heart swelled at her voice, she sounded so cute.

"_Say i'll see you tomorrow_." I heard Bella whisper to her and she did, adding 'I love you' to the end. I was done for after that, she had me wrapped around her little finger. I heard the click at the end of the message and threw my phone on the passenger seat. If I didn't miss them before, I sure did now. I wanted nothing more then to drive to them, where my home really was, but instead I threw the car in park and headed for my condo.

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I woke from my sleep the next morning to the sounds of a knock at my door. Once I finally came to and looked at the clock I realized it was almost noon, Bella was suppose to be here at 11:30. I quickly got out of bed rushing to the door, not realizing until the door was half open that I was only in my boxers. The look on Bella's face would have made me laugh if I wasn't so embarrassed.

The kids rushed to my side, not bothering to make a comment on my clothing before running inside to the living room and throwing their bags on the couch.

"Sorry, I guess I overslept… hang on" I apologized to Bella who was not so discretely staring at me. Her signature blush spread across her face when we made eye contact and she looked down at her feet. I ran into my room throwing on a shirt and some shorts before rushing back out to Bella who was still standing in the doorway.

"Sorry." I muttered running my hands through my hair.

"No problem, I was worried you were still stuck at work." she paused before tucking her hair behind her ear. "Did you get their voicemail? They were really missing you."

"Yea I did, it was really nice to hear their voice. I was missing them too."

"Another fun thanksgiving in the E.R.?" She laughed. She knew how much I hated working the holidays, especially thanksgiving. I don't know if it was the lethal combination of drinking and family that left people in the hospital, but every year it was always swarmed.

"It's ridiculous. I don't know why I always offer to work that holiday." I said shaking my head.

"You're a workaholic, you thrive on that Edward." Her body stiffened as soon as she realized what she had said before she decided to change the subject. "I was going to grab them tomorrow, but whenever you need me to come-"

"No, tomorrow is fine. I actually have to work early Sunday so they probably shouldn't stay tomorrow night." I agreed. It wasn't my weekend but because I had missed thanksgiving Bella had agreed to let me take them tonight.

"Okay, well I guess I should go then. Charlie, Ness mommy's leaving okay?" She yelled from the door, not wanting to come in to hug them but they were too enthralled with their television show to notice.

"You can come in you know," I said hesitantly. "I mean if your not busy, I was hoping we could talk actually."

She seemed hesitant, clearly wondering what I would have to talk to her about.

"About Charlie's birthday." I threw out there even though I really wanted to apologize for my behavior. She paused at the door before nodding and walking past me. She took a look around studying the place and I realized she had never stepped foot in my apartment.

"It's nice." She smiled politely, but I noticed the way she pulled at the strap on her purse and shifted her feet. She was nervous. Very nervous.

"Thanks… um, listen Bella, about the whole thing with Charlie's coach-"

"Edward." She sighed, looking annoyed that I brought it up. "Can we not do this?"

She looked so defeated and I didn't want to start a fight but it was killing me not talking to her and not seeing her anymore.

"I don't want to fight about it, i just wanted to apologize. It wasn't my place." She seemed genuinely surprised at my apology and I hope that it meant it sounded honest. I was sorry, even if I was still extremely jealous.

"Thank you… I didn't mean to make things awkward, I.. I know when one of us starts dating it's going to be-"

"I really just don't want to think about that, I can't…. not yet." I said swallowing back the bile threatening to come up. I felt the color drain from my face and I could tell by the look on hers that she felt bad.

"Maybe I should go." She said pointing towards the door behind me. I looked at the kids watching t.v. before shaking my head and pointing her towards the hallway so we could have some more privacy. She followed me reluctantly.

"I did want to ask you about Charlie's party. I just wasn't sure if you, well are you throwing a party for everyone. I can, I mean if you want-" I was a stuttering idiot, why couldn't I get two sentences out!

"No, yea I figured it would be easier for everyone and nicer for Charlie if both families just came- unless you had other plans." she started backtracking clearly feeling guilty but I just sighed in relief.

"No I was thinking the same thing, I just wasn't sure if you would be comfortable with that." I said trying not to offend her but she nodded knowingly. "I can, well I can do something else with them if you'd rather I wasn't there." I whispered. I hoped that she would allow me to come, but I could understand if she didn't want me to be there, in her house. It was still so awkward between us and I knew it was because the divorce was too raw.

"Edward, of course you are welcome. It's your son's birthday, I would never tell you that you couldn't come." She seemed sort of annoyed that I would insinuate such a thing but how was I suppose to know.

"We hadn't talked about it so-" I stopped deciding not to argue. "I'll be there, i'll bring whatever you need me to."

"I was going to do it on the 18th? It's the day before but sunday is kind of hard for everyone."

"Sounds good."

"You don't have to work?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't know, but I'll tell them I need it off." I explained feeling guilty. I hadn't missed any my kids birthday's before, but I had missed Bella's. I felt like I was never going to live down my mistakes. "Bella, I'll be there. I promise." I reinforced making sure she knew I was done fucking up and she smiled.

"Good… I should go, I have to get to work." She said clearly past her daily quota of comfortable chatting with me. I nodded walking her to the door after she hugged the kids goodbye.

I found myself hoping that we would find our friendship again. If we could get back to being friends maybe I could get her to see how much I loved her and the kids, that I had changed and I was going to keep working to be what they needed. Maybe I could get my wife back.

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**BPOV**

After dropping the kids off at Edward's apartment and running by the bakery to check in on things, I drove home to get ready for my night out with Rosalie and Alice. For once Alice was in town on a friday night that I didn't have the kids, which was a rarity, and we had decided to do a girl's night out to catch up. After Edward and I had split up, Alice and I had agreed we would not let it get in the way of our friendships. The six of us were a very tight knit group of friends, and although we didn't hang out much anymore I was glad that Alice and I were able to stay friends, especially since Edward was her brother.

I never wanted her to feel like I didn't love Edward or I was a bitch running him through the ringer. Deciding to file for divorce was the hardest thing I had ever done and there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about what it would be like if I hadn't. But the truth was Edward and I were two different people now and we didn't work as a couple anymore. Everyone was supportive through the divorce, well, everyone except for Emmett.

Emmett was my big brother and he was furious with Edward for a long time. I tried to keep out problems private, but Rose was always my shoulder to cry on, not to mention my lawyer, and so of course Emmett would find out and it was hard for him to accept. Edward was his best friend and I think he wanted to be there for him but I was his baby sister and he was way too protective of me. He blamed everything on Edward and told him he didn't respect my feelings or appreciate our marriage. It was awhile before they were able to be friendly but after I finally convinced Emmett it takes two and to stop butting in, he backed off a little.

When I arrived at the restaurant the girls were already there with two bottle of wine in front of them and I knew it was going to be a long night.

"So you have to update me on the bakery! I feel like such a bitch for not stopping in, I swear I will get there one of these days." Alice apologized over our third glass. She had been in and out of town for the past couple of weeks due to work and she hadn't gotten the chance to see the bakery.

"It's going really well, I really love it." I smiled proudly. I was finally living my dream and I loved every minute of it down to the grouchy customers and the baking disasters.

"I can't believe you really opened a bakery, I mean you used to talk about it all the time in high school but I never knew you still wanted to do it." Rose said swigging back her wine.

"Well I just had other things on the mind I guess, I feel like I haven't had a minute to breathe since Edward entered medical school between the wedding and the kids and the.. " I paused deciding not to get into that. "it's just been crazy." The girls looked at me sympathetically.

"Well I think it's awesome. So how did you get out of taking the kids tonight, does your dad have them?" Rose asked clearly trying to swing the conversation.

"Um no, they are with Edward actually." I said chugging the rest of the whine. I hated talking about Edward in front of Rose, she was always such a good friend but her hatred for Edward hurt me sometimes.

"I thought this was your weekend." She asked confused and Alice ducked her head suddenly interested in her untouched salad.

"Yea, he.. he's actually been taking them more often. He didn't have them on thanksgiving so I agreed to let them go over there tonight." I hoped she wouldn't grill me for information, but then again she was a frigging lawyer. She kept her mouth shut however, but she didn't seem to thrilled.

"How have things been?" Alice asked hesitantly and my heart sank. Things were awful, and I didn't want to tell her that. I knew she really secretly hoped Edward and I would work things out and live happily ever after but it just wasn't realistic.

"Okay I guess."

"In other words, they suck." Rosalie said giving me a pointed look. "You mean to tell me he's actually taking time off work to see his kids?"

"Rose." Alice hissed annoyed. "Look I get it, this is the Edward sucks club and don't get me wrong I'm still in it but…" she trailed off not needing an excuse.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to insult your brother but-" She turned to look at me "the man doesn't exactly have the best track record. I mean you didn't tell me he was coming around more, why the sudden change?"

"I don't know… he just seems to really miss them… I think, I think maybe he's seeing work isn't always what's important ya know?" I said suddenly feeling sad. I didn't want tonight to be about my endless sob story and I hated talking about Edward. I hated pretending that I didn't miss him and Rose always made me feel like it wasn't okay to miss him. I felt defensive when she talked about him.

I heard Rose snort at my comment before pouring herself more wine.

"Well that's good right?" Alice asked hopefully.

"Yea great, glad it only took him five years." Rose said flipping her perfect blonde hair. I must have looked as good as I felt because she instantly softened her tone when she looked at me. "Edward has a great career and i'll never knock him for that, I know out of everyone how hard a demanding job can be. It's damn hard. But I'm sorry, you are my best friend and I watched you cry every night for two years. He broke you and… well, I just won't be giving him a pat on the back for taking his kids for the night. Big deal. He needs to do a lot more in my book before he gets my respect back."

She took a sip of her wine and there wasn't much to say after that. I was surprisingly not angry with her for complaining about Edward, I just smiled at her. That was her way of showing she cared and I tried to respect that. It was odd though, at times it was almost a distant memory how much he had hurt me... until it was brought up in conversation. _You were broken, you were miserable, you cried all the time. _Was I really that bad? Some days I was so lonely that I would have traded anything to be back with Edward, even if we were fighting like cats and dogs. I know, ridiculous.

"Alright, how about we agree not to talk about this for the rest of the night, huh?" I pleaded as I poured more wine into my glass, welcoming tomorrow's hangover with open arms. I squeezed Alice's hand under that table hoping she wasn't upset with me and she winked at me.

"Well, I actually have some news." Rosalie said a huge grin spreading across her face. I gave her a curious look, she looked like she was going to burst out of her seat all of the sudden. "I wasn't sure if I should mention it yet, I didn't want to jinx it and it wasn't official until now-"

"Oh my good spill it girl I'm dying over here!" Alice yelled and we all laughed.

"We're adopting a baby!" she blurted out, knocking the wind out of me.

"WHAT!" I screamed. Alice was already chocking her to death with hugs. I couldn't believe it. Rosalie had wanted kids for years but they had put it off until she got her career on track. When they started trying two years ago they were unable to get pregnant and Rosalie was very disappointed. I knew they had discussed adoption but I had no idea they were even looking.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to mention it to anyone until I was sure we would get the baby but they called on tuesday and we got the green light, we get the baby in two months!" She had tears pouring out of her eyes and I had never seen her look so happy.

"I can't believe this, I'm so happy for you guys." I said hugging her and trying to swallow the jealousy threatening to spill over. I didn't want another baby, no way, but she was radiating. I missed being that happy.

"She's coming from china actually, it's so much harder to get a baby here and we kind of liked that idea of adopting out of the country. I can't believe it!" She squealed.

"It's a girl?" I asked realizing she had disclosed the sex of the baby without meaning to. She nodded as Alice raised her glass for a toast.

"To our newest mommy-to-be. You are going to be amazing and I can't wait to meet the newest edition to our family." she smiled and Rosalie cried a little more. People were going to think she was actually pregnant, and drinking.

"Everything seemed so far away and then they tell us two months and I feel so overwhelmed. I mean Em and I are so not prepared for this."

"You're going to be fine, if you need anything I have a lot of stuff that I saved of Nessie's." I offered and she seemed genuinely relieved.

"Thanks, i'm definitely going to need your help.. I'm thinking of things i've never thought of before ya know? I have to start a list or something." She rambled as she searched through her purse for a piece of paper. Alice and I giggled at Rosalie's OCD tendencies. That baby would be on a perfect schedule by her second day home.

"Bella, who's your pediatrician? I should probably start looking… oh geez, I'm way over my head." she threw her head in her hands and I tried not to laugh.

"Oh! Oh! You should take them to Jazz, he'd love that!" Alice said excitedly while I sat their confused.

"Jasper?" Rose and I asked at the same time. Alice looked back at us equally confused by our reaction.

"He didn't tell you? I'm going to kill him, he really didn't say anything?" she laughed. "Jazz is taking over the practice over on washington st., the family practice? The doctor there is retiring and Jasper saw the opportunity and jumped on it. I can't believe he didn't mention it." Rose seemed surprised but I wasn't, Jasper had always wanted to work in an office setting and had specialized in pediatrics. He more or less only started at the hospital due to Carlisle's urging.

"I just think he was getting tired of the hospital pace. Someone mentioned to him that the physician was looking to retire and Jazz called him right up. He's really excited."

Rose and Alice continued on about their big news and I was glad to see my two best friends so happy, at least I kept telling myself that. Everything seemed to be falling into place for them while I was still picking up the pieces of my life. I was so angry, angry at myself. I was sitting here with two people I loved more then anything and I couldn't bring myself to be 100% happy for them. I was jealous, I was envious.

It was times like this that I really felt like I would never be this happy again without Edward. I knew it was too late for regrets, I had made a decision that at the time was the best for my family, but now... I couldn't bring myself to even consider i made a mistake. I could only move forward now and it was time to let go of the past. I missed Edward and I probably always would but this was for the best.

Right?

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**So? Please Review! I would love to hear what you think of the story! **

**I'm hoping to bring more of the characters and show everyone's thoughts on the divorce. Stay tuned, more Edward and Bella action to come! xoxo**


	5. Revelations

**Thanks to everyone that reviewed! I know everyone is hoping Edward and Bella will work things out and I just want to make sure everyone knows that, yes, there will be a happy ending. Stick with me! **

**Here is the next chapter, a lot going on here so I hope everyone likes it! Please review!**

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**BPOV**

It seemed like the days were flying by lately. Charlie was turning five years old tomorrow… and I was a complete mess. I couldn't believe he was already five, he would be starting kindergarten next year, yet it seemed like just yesterday he was born. I made him a special power rangers cake at the bakery that I had managed to hide from him in the garage, and all of the decorations were up and ready for the party today. Alice had come over to help me with everything and although I was a little worried we wouldn't be finished before everyone showed up, we had managed to pull it off.

All of Charlie's friends had arrived and they were all playing party games with Emmett when the rest of the family came. My parents, as well as Edwards, were sitting in the living room talking as I ran around like a mad women trying to fix the cake and set up the pizza for the kids. I had worried for weeks about Charlie's birthday, it was the first time we would all be in one room since Edward and I split up and I couldn't help but be nervous. I was grateful that our two families were able to come together for the kids without any fighting and awkwardness, it wasn't often that was able to happen after divorce and I was more than thankful.

"Wow, Bella this looks amazing," Jasper complimented me as he came into the kitchen. The cake had taken me hours but I was really proud of the way it had turned out.

"Thanks Jazz. Charlie is really into power rangers right now."

"I'm sure he's going to love it. How is the bakery thing going?"

"It's going. I mean it's really stressful trying to build up a name, we don't really have enough money right now to hire a lot of staff so it's mostly Angela and I…but I do love it, I've always loved being in the kitchen I guess. "

"You were always a natural Bella, why do you think we always eat christmas dinner with you huh? Can you imagine Alice in the kitchen? I don't even want to think about." He joked making me smile until I realized something. This would be the first time in years that I didn't see Alice and Jasper on Christmas. I didn't want to think about how lonely this christmas was going to be for me.

"Well I guess you guys will find out." I said with a sad smile. He patted me on the back before lifting the cake.

"How about I help you out here." he smiled carrying the cake into the dinning room. "You have a lighter for these candles?"

"Yea, I almost forgot." I said running back into the kitchen and searching through the drawers.

"Ya know, you could always come over to our place this year? Alice could sure use your expertise with dinner." Jasper said leaning against the doorway. I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but I didn't want to intrude and I wasn't sure it was right of me. This was Edward's family and I'm sure he would want to spend christmas with them without me there.

"Thanks, for inviting me… but I think it's better that I don't. I'm just going to go to my parents house, Em and Rose will be there I'm sure." I tried to put on my best smile but I knew he wasn't buying it.

"Bella, I know this whole thing is new to you and Edward, but just because you guys aren't married doesn't mean you aren't family darlin'," his accent coming ahead. "Just know you are always welcome, and I know Edward wouldn't mind."

"I'll think about it." I said but I already knew I wasn't going to go. I think he did too.

"Speaking of the devil, what time is he suppose to be here?" he asked pulling the lighter I had been searching for from the basket on the counter and waving it at me. I rolled my eyes at him before checking the clock.

Edward was suppose to be here over an hour ago and he had yet to show up, or call. I was getting worried that he wasn't going to come at all and I couldn't even think about how much that would crush the kids. They had been looking forward to seeing him and I had promised them he way coming. Stupid move there, Bella. Just when I thought he was getting it together, I was getting a good dose of reality.

"He must have gotten caught up at work, big surprise there." I shrugged and I could tell he felt sorry for asking.

"I'm sure he's on his way." He assured me. "Bella, I know it's not my place, but… well, you should know he's really trying."

"I know that.. he's been really great with the kids lately."

"I just… well it's hard for me to watch him, you both are family to me no matter what.. and he's hurting real bad Bells. He doesn't talk about it much, but I know how much losing you killed him and I just hope that you can see he's putting a real effort in to fix things."

I took a minute before answering, unsure of what to say. I know that Edward had been trying to be around more for the kids lately and that was great, but _our_ relationship hadn't changed much. He still seemed too involved in his work and the same Edward I had come to know the past couple of years. He was still the selfish, devastatingly handsome workaholic he had always been. We had tried to fix things when we were together, but the fact was we were divorced now. It was a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but there was no going back.

"There's nothing to fix, Jazz." I whispered.

"Do you really believe that? I see the way you look at each other Bells, you still love him don't you." it came out as more of an accusation then a question and I could feel myself instantly getting angry.

"Of course I love him! How dare you," I spit out frustrated. I didn't want to have this conversation again. Alice, Esme, my mother. They all told me the same thing. Didn't anyone understand we were divorced? We had been divorced for six months! This wasn't some game I was playing to make Edward come to his senses, this was our life. "Just because we aren't together doesn't mean I don't love him, we were together for fifteen years Jasper! It doesn't change the fact that Edward is more concerned with his job then his family!"

Jasper just stared at me surprised by my outburst before walking forward and hugging me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply anything. I know how much he hurt you." I tried to control my tears, praying that they wouldn't fall. I hadn't expected this, at least not from Jasper. He had been very quiet about his opinion of Edward and I and I had appreciated that. I got enough for Rose and Alice.

"I just don't want you guys to spend the rest of your lives miserable and unhappy because you are wishing you were with the other person still. I see him everyday Bells, everyday… He loves work but he will never love it as much as he loves you… and he's made mistakes, a lot of them." I huffed at that as the tears fell without my permission. "I know it's none of my business, I just feel like I should say something because I don't know that he ever will. He'd never want to put that on you, he knows he screwed up and he doesn't think he deserves another shot. But I know he'd do anything to be with you again, and you deserve to know that." he whispered in my ear before pulling me back and placing his hands on my shoulders.

"It's just too little to late… I will always love him Jazz, but I don't think I could ever go back to living with a stranger," I said and he looked pained at my words.

"Your relationship is none of my business Bella, but I just want what's best for my best friends. If you're happier this way then who am I to say anything, just don't be too proud to talk to him if you're not."

"Hey guys what's all the whispering about?" Rosalie asked entering the kitchen and grabbing the cups off the counter. "Are these the cups?"

"Yea, are they ready for cake?" I said hoping she wouldn't notice I had been crying.

"Ready when you are momma… did you want to wait for Dr. Cullen?" Rose asked referring to Edward and I rolled my eyes at her. I was glad she hadn't noticed the exchange between Jasper and I, or if she had, she chose not to bring it up.

"Nice.. no, I guess not. Just go ahead and call them into the room, I'll be right there." She walked into the dining room leaving Jasper and I alone again.

"Thank you, for the concern… but i'm fine. Really."

He looked at me for a moment before nodding and turning to join the kids.

"Hey Jazz-" I asked grabbing his attention before he turned the corner. "Is Edward… is he okay?"

I couldn't help asking. Every time I saw him he seemed fine. Aside from our awkward attempts to make conversation and him looking a little tired I would have never known he was having a hard time. I knew I shouldn't care, but I couldn't help the feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking about him being depressed, or missing me. I know I missed him everyday.

"He would never tell you Bella, I mean.. I know you think that all he was about is work. But I'm not going to lie, all he talked about at work, was _you_." he shrugged before looking past me at Edward's car pulling in the driveway. " He's getting by, but he's just different now… It's going to take a while for him to adjust."

I nodded, not feeling any better. I was glad that Edward was here finally but I was more nervous to see him now then I had ever been.

"Don't tell him I said anything yea? He would probably kill me." he winked at me and i nodded giving him a smile.

I had so many thoughts running through my head as I watched Edward race out of his car through my kitchen window. He looked extremely flustered as he attempted to tuck his scrub top into his bottoms. Why did he have to wear the damn scrubs. As much as I hated Edward's profession for taking him away from me, I would never hate seeing him in scrubs. His hair was disheveled as he ran his hands through it and my heart started to race. I always loved when he did that. It was easy to pretend then, just for a minute, as I watched him walk into the house that he was still the Edward I fell in love with. That he was coming home, to our house.

He came rushing through the door, stopping suddenly when he saw me standing there.

"I'm so sorry I'm late Bella. I got caught up at work and I tried but I couldn't leave, and then traffic was ridiculous-" he continued rambling on with excuses as to why he was late and I snapped back into reality.

"It's fine Edward. We were just about to do the cake, you didn't miss it." I said trying to put on a smile. He sighed with what I assumed was relief before I pointed him towards the dining room.

I sat in the corner of the room as I watched my kids fight for Edward attention. Charlie had blown out his candles, with a little help from Nessie who couldn't sit still. He was thrilled to see Edward and lit up brighter then the candles in front of him when he saw his father walk into the room. Nessie was sitting in Edward's lap eating her cake as Charlie went on about what presents he hoped for. Edward sat there listening intently to every word Charlie threw at him as he held Nessies plate in one hand and her cup in the other.

Edward turned to look at me, probably wondering why I was being so quiet but I wanted to let him enjoy his time with the kids for awhile. He smiled at me and I smiled back. He _was _still the Edward that I fell in love with. It was easier for me to pretend that he wasn't, it made it hurt less. But he was and I missed him more then anything. Jasper's words kept replaying over and over in my head like a bad song you can't forget and I was starting to wonder if he was right. Did I want to try to fix things with edward, would I be truly happy without him? Of course I still loved him, I just didn't believe it was possible to go back after everything we had put each other through.

What if Edward was trying to change for me, for us, and I was just to stupid to see it. Did he deserve another chance? Did he even want one?

What did I want?

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**EPOV**

Does it ever seem like the only time people drive slow is when you actually have somewhere to be? Today was Charlie's birthday party and I was suppose to be at Bella's an hour ago. I had to work a shift the night before in order to get today off and I had, as always, got pulled into a case right as I was about to leave and ended up staying until almost two o'clock. The party started at two o'clock. Bella was going to have my head.

I had promised her that I would be there and I had ever intent on keeping that promise. I was completely confused as to how such a small town could have this much traffic, but that is my luck. When I finally arrived at Bella's house she didn't seem angry that I was late, but she didn't seem surprised either. Great.

I was busy most of the party listening to Charlie telling me about his week and all the present's he was hoping to get, but I always had my eye on Bella. She seemed so quiet and I was worried that she was uncomfortable with me being there. My parents and sister were here as well as Bella's family and I realized how much I missed having every one together. I just hoped it wasn't too much for Bella.

"I think the big one is a wii dad. I told mom I really wanted it," Charlie babbled on next to me. He seemed to be unable to stop talking as he munched on his red ranger slice of cake. It was adorable. "She said maybe, but usually that means yes."

That made me laugh. He was definitely a sneaky one, he knew Bella was a softy and exactly what face to give her when he wanted something. I looked over at Bella standing in the corner of the room staring at Charlie and she rolled her eyes. I smiled at her as I boosted Ness up on my lap and she smiled back. It felt like the first genuine smile she had given me in a long time and it made my stomach flutter like a 16-year-old boy.

Get it together, Cullen.

After cake and presents, the kids started to clear out one by one as well as my parent's and Bella's. Alice and Jasper had taken Nessie outside to play and I was helping Charlie set up his new wii. He wore a smug smile on his face the whole time, and I was starting to wonder if he had peaked at his presents, when Emmett came into the living room taking a seat on the couch. I was holding my breath waiting for him to say something about me being here, I was sure he was just waiting for Bella to be out of the room to say something to me.

We had gotten to a place where we were friendly again but we were definitely not as close as we used to be before Bella and I started having problems. Emmett would always be very overprotective of Bella and I respected that, but it was hard losing your wife and your best friend in one-shot.

"Need any help?" He finally asked raising his eyebrow at me lack of electronic knowledge.

"Actually I think I got it surprisingly. Put it on channel 3 Charlie." I said handing him the wii remote and stepping back. Everything seemed to work fine, saving me the embarrassment of having Emmett help.

I took a seat at the other end of the couch as Charlie become engrossed in his game. I was racking my brain with things to say, the awkward silence eating away at me, but I had nothing.

"Did you hear the good news?" He asked suddenly and I turned to look at him.

"What's that?"

"Rose and I are getting a baby." He said simply as if it was no big deal, something they were picking up at the market on the way home or something. At my confusion his smile widened. " We're adopting idiot. We just got the word awhile back, we get her in a couple months."

"Wow, congrats man. I hadn't heard."

"I wasn't sure if Bella had said anything… well, yea. I've never seen Rose this excited, not even about her shoes." He joked and I laughed thinking about Rosalie's shoe collection.

"Well you guys are going to be great parents, I know how long you've been waiting for this so congrats Em. I didn't realize you were trying to adopt."

"Yea, for awhile." he shrugged. I missed the times when we actually told each other important things like this.

He was quiet again for a few minutes before he shifted in his seat.

"So what's the plan for the new year?" he asked hesitantly and I sighed. We had always spent new years eve together, the six of us. Even when Bella and I weren't getting along we put on a happy face and went out with our friends. Unfortunately this year, there was no Edward and Bella.

"Um, I don't know. I figured the girls would still want Bella to go out with them so I was gonna hang back." I said rubbing my hand over me face.

"Hang back and what? Work?" He asked an annoyed look on his face. "You know we could always just do something us guys, it wouldn't kill you to take a night off and spend some time with your boys, you've become a big bad doctor and forgotten all of us little people lately." he said getting up from the couch.

"It's not even like that Emmett." I said following him into the hallway. "You haven't exactly been that happy with me, I think you made that clear. Besides, I'm not going to make things any more uncomfortable for Bella then they already are."

"Look I'm not happy with you, and why should I be… you broke my sister's heart because you were too much of a idiot to treat her the way she deserved. I have so little respect for you these days man, you changed so much. You were one of my best fucking friends Edward, but you messed up."

"I know that. Trust me, I know that."

"Good, but you're a little late don't you think?" he spat at me clearly pissed off. I didn't want to argue with him anymore about this, we had done enough fighting and I thought we were don't with that.

I started to walk away before he called out my name.

"What Emmett? I get it okay, I fucked up. Don't you think I know that! Do you think I enjoy working my ass off everyday and coming home to an empty apartment with nothing to show for it. Do you think I enjoy never seeing my kids and having the woman i've loved since I was a kid look at me like I disgust her!" I yelled at him under my breath. I didn't want Bella to hear us fighting, not to mention Charlie was just in the other room.

"Your sister still means the world to me and I have to wake up everyday knowing she hates me." I said shaking my head. "You all think this is so easy for me, like I wanted this because I worked all the time and blah blah blah. I wasn't there and I get that, maybe I _was _asking for this. But don't think it doesn't kill me…. you're about to start a new life here, you're getting the family you've always wanted. I just lost mine. So leave me the hell alone." I said walking into the other room. I heard Emmett open and close the sliding door, probably going outside to get away from me.

I was about to loose my cool and I knew that wasn't going to solve anything. I didn't want to keep fighting with him, and I definitely didn't want Rosalie and Bella to overhear us. This day was suppose to be about Charlie and I was thankful that she had even invited me over.

I decided to make myself useful and started picking up the paper plates that were scattered across the dining room table when I heard Rosalie and Bella talking from the kitchen.

"So you and Jasper seemed to be having quite the intense conversation in here earlier… everything okay?" Rosalie asked catching my ear as I made my way closer to the doorway. I knew they couldn't see me and I shouldn't be listening in but I couldn't help myself.

"Yea, he was just asking me how I was doing with everything, his big brother duties I guess."

Rosalie waited for a minuted before speaking.

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did you tell him? I mean you don't have to tell me I just… well I never asked you how you felt having him over here today. Are you alright?" she asked softly and it was the first time I hadn't cringed as Rosalie talked. She hated my guts and was always such a bitch to me. I couldn't blame her, but I tried to avoid her at all costs.

"I'm fine, I'm glad that we could all be adults and do this for Charlie. They need some normalcy."

"Well, props to the fine doctor for actually showing up, I was a little worried." she replied and I tried to hold my tongue. Was she ever going to see that I was trying?

"He's never missed the kids birthday's don't be like that." Bella replied annoyed and I could see her busying herself by picking random things up around the kitchen.

"I'm not trying to hit a nerve-"

"Well I just wish everyone would but the hell out!" Bella whispered clearly pissed off. "Between you and Jasper and my parents I'm about ready to lose it. Everyone has their own opinions and they need to just shut their mouths."

Seemed like I wasn't the only one pissed off today.

"Wow, okay i'm sorry." She said holding up her hands clearly taken back by Bella's outburst. "I know i've been really hard on Edward but I didn't realize that it bothered you so much, isn't he kind of the bad guy here B?"

"I know you are just trying to be a good friend but I just need a break okay… there comes a point where it's just enough, we both made mistakes. This whole situation isn't just Edward's fault."

"Bella the only mistake you made was not telling him where to shove it sooner! I'm sorry, I'm not trying to piss you off but I won't let you blame yourself for all of this-"

"I don't blame myself, and I don't blame Edward. I mean yes, I did blame him. But, I don't know… I think we both made mistakes. You have no idea what it's like for me Rose. I spend every day thinking back, wondering what I did wrong… what I could've done to change things. Everything isn't always so black and white."

She looked so broken as she spoke. Her words made my heart ache and I wanted to tell her I did the same thing. I spent everyday wondering exactly when things started to go wrong and wishing I could go back and change it.

Neither girl spoke for a minute and the silence was defining. I could hear my heart beating in my ears and I knew I should walk away, that I was invading Bella's privacy but I just couldn't bring myself to move from my spot in that small dining room.

"That's what Jasper and I were talking about." Bella finally said walking around the island and leaning against it in front of Rosalie. "He wanted to make sure I could see how hard Edward was trying to make things right."

"I don't know B, I think it's great that he's stepping up and taking Charlie and Vanessa more often I do, but I just hope that it lasts… I don't want to have to say these things, it's not like I enjoy being pissed off at him. I wish he never hurt you, but he did. And I just don't trust that he isn't going to do that again. He needs to prove himself in my book before i'll be jumping to team Edward, sorry." Rosalie responded making my gut sink a little further. Thanks for the support Rose.

"I know… he is trying. I told Jasper.. do you know he actually had the balls to ask me if I still love him?"

"Ouch-"

"As if I could just stop loving Edward because things didn't work out, it hasn't been that long." Bella continue to ramble not letting Rosalie get a word in.

"Bella, can I ask you something? " She asked hesitantly. "And don't get mad, I just have always wanted to ask… it never seemed like the right time and you don't have to tell me-"

"What?" Bella asked curiously as she crossed her arms.

"Well first, what did you tell Jasper. I mean it's clear the man is a dirty schemer trying to play match maker." she laughed and Bella smiled. They both loved Jasper, but it was so true. He and Alice were the king and queen of trying to set up their friends.

"What do you think I told him… I mean I know he is looking out for Edward, and I get that. But there's just nothing to fix." It was a hard pill to swallow hearing her words. I knew it was unrealistic, but I couldn't let go of the hopes that I could win Bella back again.

"I'll always love Edward, but… there is a reason we aren't together anymore. We just didn't work together."

"I understand." Rosalie said solemnly.

"What did you want to ask me?" Bella asked after a minute. I realized I wasn't breathing as I took a seat at the table. I shouldn't have listened.

"What made you decide to ask for a divorce?"

This conversation was getting heavier then I expected and I was suddenly very nauseous at the thought of hearing Bella's answer. We had many problems in our marriage, and it was true that things were not that great towards the end, but I knew she still loved me and I loved her more then anything. I never thought she would want to end it all.

Now that I was getting the opportunity to know her reasoning, I didn't really want to know.

"I mean… what are you talking about you know everything that happened-" Bella responded confused by Rosalie's question.

"That's not what I'm saying. Yes, I know all the reasons why you would want to ask for a divorce, but what made you actually say, 'yes this is the right step'… I guess, I just see how much you miss him and you still love him. Sometimes Em and I worry that, well while supporting you we may have pressured you into that-"

"No Rose, don't think that."

Rosalie nodded and I couldn't be mad at her, she seemed genuinely curious and concerned. It didn't hurt to hear that Bella missed me either. I knew what she was saying, Rosalie and Emmett were not happy with me and I'm sure that they had told Bella to leave my sorry ass, even when she was still trying to save us. It made me angry, because they were my friends too and I wished they had supported us. It was like polar opposites, Rose and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. Alice couldn't accept that Bella didn't want to be with me anymore, she was convinced we would end up back together. Rosalie would stop it nothing to make sure I stayed the hell away from Bella.

"I do remember the night that I made the decision…I was sitting at some restaurant in Port Angeles, waiting for Edward… he was suppose to meet me for dinner that night, we were going to try and have a date night I guess you could say. He had to work late, so he told me to head down and he would meet me there. He promised he wouldn't be long and to go down and shop or whatever, enjoy myself. Like it was a treat to be walking around alone when all I wanted was to spend time with him. But I did, actually believing he would leave work and come meet me at a decent time." She paused wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. I couldn't look at her after that and I turned to stare at the pictures hanging on the wall of Charlie's toothless grin. I was a complete masochist.

"Soon enough seven o'clock became eight o'clock, and then nine o'clock. I knew he wasn't coming, and if he was the restaurant would be closed soon anyways. So I got in my car and headed back home… I don't know what made me do it, but I decided to go to the hospital. I was so angry and I just wanted to scream at him for blowing me off again and putting his job before our marriage. I knew his job was important and I tried, I mean I really tried to be supportive of the fact that there were days when he had to stay past his shift. But that night, I had just had it. I needed to know we were still a priority to him ya know? I walked into the hospital and asked to see my husband and when they let me through the doors I remember seeing him across the hall, smiling."

I tried to rack my brain for these memories but I couldn't remember Bella ever being at the hospital towards the end of our marriage. When I had first started she would come have lunch with me now and then but after we had the kids that stopped.

"He was smiling and laughing with some nurse and I hadn't seem him happy like that in so long… at least not with me. And it just hit me I guess… I didn't make him happy anymore. We were just brining each other down and he was happier there then he was at home, with me." She paused before adding the words that sent a bullet through my heart.

"It was the first time in the entire time we had been together… that I didn't think he loved me anymore."

And just like that, I finally realized just how badly I had failed Bella.

"When he got home that night, in the middle of the night, I was waiting up for him. I told him I was done."

That I remembered. I would never forget it.

I was sick to my stomach, so angry that I had ever made her doubt that I loved her. She was everything to me.

I knew I had heard enough, more then I ever should have. I walked into the other room staring out the window at Nessie and Alice attempting to build a snowman but I couldn't concentrate on the scene in front of me. My mind was racing with Bella's words as I replayed the last couple of months of our relationship.

_"I didn't think he loved me anymore."_

_"I can't keep doing this, E."_

_"Why don't you just move into that fucking hospital!"_

_"I love you Edward, I want to try and make things better."_

_"You're going to be late again? What about dinner with Em and Rose?"_

_"I feel like we never get to spend time together anymore, I miss you."_

_"I love you too E, that was never the problem."_

I wanted to march into the kitchen, to tell Bella how wrong she was. How much I loved her and still did. But I couldn't do that, she would be furious if she knew I had overheard her and I knew my words wouldn't make her believe anyways. I needed to prove to her that I wasn't more concerned with work then my family, that she wasn't second best. That she was the _best _ thing in my life. Her and my kids. I needed to show her I still loved her, and I always had.

And I knew just where to start.

* * *

**Thoughts? Everyone is itching for Edward and Bella to get back together, but it's going to take some time. They both still have a lot of growing to do, especially E. Some progress is coming in the next chapter though don't worry!**

**Here is a nice sneak peek at the next chapter to hold every one over:**

_"You're blushing." I smirked at her and she ducked her head, clearly annoyed._

_"Shut up. You know it's like breathing to me... besides your comments don't help." she busied herself with trying to put the star on top of the tree, again, obviously unwilling to accept that she could not reach it even on the chair._

_"Get down before you fall and brake something, i'll do it." She huffed at her short stature before climbing down and handing me the star. "Let a man handle this." I winked._

_"Gag, you are really starting to push my buttons Dr. Cullen." I knew she was playing around, but I couldn't help the wave of lust that ran through me as she called me Dr. Cullen. This woman would be the death of me._

_"Oh I had every intention of pushing your buttons." I laughed and she swatted my leg. I climbed down from the chair and pulled it aside to admire our work. I wished that the kids had been able to stay awake long enough to see the tree, but they would see it in the morning. Too bad I wouldn't be here to see their faces I thought._

_I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Bella was fidgeting with the ornaments on the couch and she looked uncomfortable suddenly._

_"Hey, I was just kidding." I smiled and she laughed._

_"I know, it's fine." she said. I didn't want to spoil the mood, we had been having such a good night, it almost felt like old times._

_"What's wrong then?" I asked, standing in front of her and lifting her chin with my finger. She looked scared almost as she twisted her hands together. "You're nervous." I said without thinking and she pulled back slightly._

_"I'm not nervous."_

_"You play with your hands when you're nervous... and you shift on your feet like that." I noted pointing to her feet and stopped moving._

_"You're annoying." was all she could come up with and I laughed out loud. "You know me too well, I hate it."_

_"I like that I know when your nervous, I like that I still make you nervous."_


	6. A new beginning

**Here we go.. next chapter. We get to see a little more of E + B here, let me know what you think!**

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* * *

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**EPOV**

You know the saying a watched clock never moves? Completely true.

I was getting off my shift at three o'clock and it had been one of the slowest days in quite some time. I sat in the lounge as Jasper went on about the new office and all of his plans to change the place, he was extremely excited to be taking over the family practice and his last official day would be tomorrow. He wanted to start the new year on a different foot, but while he waited he was still picking up shifts here at the hospital.

I was trying to listen to his plans, i really was, but i couldn't keep my eye off the clock. I was picking up the kids today and taking them for a few hours while Bella was working. The bakery was apparently growing in popularity and Bella had been really stressed out by all of the extra holiday orders. I had been working every night since Charlie's party and I hadn't had any time to see or really speak to either him or Ness. I was really missing them.

"Oh and did I forget to mention that I have brain cancer?" Jasper said nonchalantly, grabbing my attention finally.

"What?"

"Oh you are listening, i'm kidding Edward. Just making sure you were still with me here… what's up, you're completely spaced out today?" he asked.

"I don't know. Just don't want to be here today."

"That's a first." he joked.

"I'm serious man. I'm starting to see your point on all of this, it's just wearing me out." I said rubbing my eyes and trying not to look at the clock again.

There were a lot of days I didn't want to be here, especially lately. Difficult patients, bitchy families, lack of sleep. It was getting old. I loved what i did, but at what cost? Dr. Anderson had yet to decide if she would be returning next month, after already taking more leave then she had originally planned and I wasn't sure I was willing to fill in for her anymore. This was something I had always wanted, to be Chief. But, the grass is always greener on the other side I guess.

I was averaging four hours a sleep a night, sometimes working all through the night. Anytime I had off I tried to spend with the kids, but that unfortunately meant taking time off and paying the price with longer shifts, or not sleeping. Neither seemed to appealing.

"I'll try not to take offense to the fact that you aren't enjoying your last days with me… but what's the deal, you don't seem to love it like you used to" Jasper asked concerned.

"I'm sorry, i'm just exhausted. I work my ass of day in and day out and i'm not sure it's worth it anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong I love medicine… i'm just not sure this is the place for me. I've told them I need to take some time, cut back on my shifts. But, with Anderson gone I can't and.. I feel like I have nothing outside of work, it's ALL i do."

"This has nothing to do with Bella?"

"What do you mean… she has nothing to do with this."

"I'm not insinuating, i'm just asking. I know that was one of the biggest problems that you both had is how much you were working… i just don't want to see you give up the thing you love in some attempt to make her think-"

"No, it's not even like that man. Seriously." I said slightly annoyed. Bella played a major part in my decisions, even though we weren't married anymore. But it wasn't why I was questioning my career path. "I'm tired, and I just don't get that satisfaction from being here like I used to. Bella was right in saying that my whole life was by career, I have nothing outside of this hospital-"

"That's not true-"

"It is. Yes, I know what your going to say- that I have family and friends and whatever. It's not the same. I barely see mom and dad, I think I see him more here then at home. Same with you. I go home every day to a tiny apartment that's not even a home man. It's not… it's like a place to sleep and hold storage. I'm never there. I miss _my _family. I miss my kids, and Bella. Having something to go home to was the only thing that made this job worth it. I'm finally seeing that. Too little too late." I sighed.

"Look, I only want the best for you man. Maybe it's time to look into something else." he paused for a second, seemingly debating what to say. "You know, I said something.. to Bella. Don't freak, it wasn't anything bad but-"

"I know… she didn't tell me but I overheard her and Rose talking at Charlie's party saturday." I said, a wave of sadness washing over me as I replayed their conversation in my head.

I couldn't believe how much I had fucked up that night, the night Bella told me we were done. I had completely forgotten about dinner with Bella, instead getting caught up in the craziness of the ER. It hadn't even dawned on me, even though we had talked earlier that morning about it. I _had_ told her I was going to be late. There was two doctors out sick and I knew there was no way I was going to get out of here in time to meet her, especially with rush hour traffic.

And then I had forgotten. There was a huge accident that came in, multiple victims, three of them under twelve. I got so swamped in work, I had forgot about my wife. My wife who had planned a date in a last minute attempt to glue our relationship back together. Who waited for me for hours. I was a complete tool.

I was surprised she never said anything when I came home that night, but then again what was the point? She didn't need to fight with me and tell me how much of a dick I was for blowing her off again, it wouldn't fix things. I think telling me she was leaving me covered all bases.

_"I'm sorry, i'd done. We're holding onto something that isn't there anymore."_

Jasper shut his locker turning to face me and giving me the look. The look I had been getting from everyone lately. Pity.

"I just think you guys should talk. What do you have to lose, tell her how you feel. Tell her you want her back."

"It's not that easy Jazz, we can't just burn the divorce papers and act like it never happened. She hates me." I sighed.

"She doesn't hate you, she hates who you became." he stopped at my expression. "Who she thinks you became. Prove to her that you never stopped caring. I realize this whole thing has been hard on you, and I don't pretend to understand because I don't. But I do know that this whole mess has changed you, you said yourself you've realized you didn't put in the effort you should have to fix things."

"Yea." I sighed.

"You can't turn back time Edward, but you can move forward. Talk to her. I'm sick of watching you walk around here like a lost puppy, i'm going to have to adopt you soon."

I threw my empty water bottle at him and he ducked laughing.

"I get the point Jackass." I had no idea how I would even start a conversation with Bella about this. "I don't feel like I have the right to bring it up honestly. She's moving on, she's happy. I should let her be. She deserves that."

"Bullshit." I gave him a look before he rolled his eyes. "You are as clueless as ever if you think she's moved on. You still love each other and i'm not a marriage consoler, i get that, but I just think if there is any chance for you two, any chance at all, then she deserves to know you want her back. She may be happier now that you aren't jumping at each others throats every second of the day, but she misses you, she said so herself."

"She also said she didn't think I loved her… when we were still married. That's why she asked for a divorce, because she didn't believe that I still loved her. God, where did I fuck it up so bad."

"When did she tell you that?" he seemed surprised.

"No, she told Rose. Don't give me that look, I know I should not have been listening but I couldn't help it. She would never tell me that, if she had.. well, I never wanted to her to think that."

"Then prove her wrong, man."

* * *

I picked up the kids from preschool before taking them back to my apt for dinner. I had picked up everything we needed to attempt making homemade pizzas but it was disaster. My small kitchen looked like a tornado of pizza sauce had come through and the pizzas came out looking more like explosions. It took my almost 20 minutes to convince Ness to try hers but she finally ate it, they actually didn't taste half bad, but I decided I would leave the baking to Bella.

"Are you get excited for Christmas?" I asked the kids as we sat playing candy land after dinner. Christmas was in three days and I was thankful that I was going to have the kids this year. I couldn't imagine not seeing them.

"Yes, I've been really good. Mom _promised_ that she would tell Santa how good I was."

"I'm sure she will. Did you write your letters to santa this year?" I asked and they nodded. Bella had the kids write a letter to Santa as soon as they were old enough to grasp the concept, and then she would write back pretending to be the big guy in red. It was something her dad had done with her and Emmett when they were kids and she wanted to continue it. I laughed when she told me she wrote to him until she was twelve. I'm pretty sure I knew there was no santa clause by the time I turned nine, I'm surprised Emmett hadn't spilled the beans to her earlier.

"Mommy said we get _two _christmases this year." Nessie said, but it sounded more like a question.

"Well, you guys will have christmas with mommy on Christmas eve, and then on Christmas you're going to come to Daddy's and open your presents from Santa-"

"Then how is Santa going to know where to bring the presents?" Charlie asked alarmed. I always thought I would have the right words when it came to things like this, but I wasn't really sure how to explain this one.

"Well, I'll have to tell him."

"He's not going to bring presents to mommy's and here. He only has so much time dad." he said clearly annoyed and I tried not to laugh. He sounded so grown up sometimes.

"Santa's a smart guy, he'll know what to do."

"Are we going to eat with Nana and Grampa?" he asked referring to my parents. Every year, my parents and Alice and Jasper would come over to my house to eat, Bella cooked. We always spent Christmas eve with her family, well I came when I didn't have work.

Unfortunately this year, Alice was cooking. I loved my sister, but I was interested in food poisoning.

"Yep, we're going to eat christmas dinner at Aunt Alice's, Nana and Grampa will be there too."

"And mommy!"Nessie added and I sighed.

"No Ness, Mommy isn't coming. I already told you that!" Charlie yelled at her and she gave him a dirty look.

"Charlie, you don't have to yell like that." I said surprised. He and Nessie fought like any brother and sister, but he wasn't usually so mean to her.

He got up from the table and walked into the back room they shared leaving me standing there completely at a loss as to how to handle this. When Bella and I first separated, we had sat the kids down and explained the best we could that I wouldn't be living in their house anymore and how things were going to be a little different from now on. They were confused and asked a lot of questions for awhile, but it seemed like they had accepted things. Maybe I was wrong.

"Mommy can't eat with us this time Ness, but you will get to open presents with her the night before. I'm sure she'll make her own special dinner."

"For all of us?"

"Well, for you and your brother. Any mommy…"She didn't seem to pleased. "with lots of stuffing." I added trying to win her over.

"I don't like stuffing." She was full of it, because she indeed loved stuffing. She could out eat Emmett on holidays.

"Here you go next, I'm gonna go get Charlie." I said pushing the deck of cards in her direction and walking back into the kids room. He was sitting on the edge of his bed playing with his yo-yo.

"Don't want to play anymore?" I asked sitting next to him.

"No, that game's stupid."

"Don't say stupid… are you mad about not being with your mom on christmas Charlie?"

"No." he said but I knew he was lying. He didn't look at me the whole time but he put his yo-yo on the nightstand. "How come she can't come to Aunt Ali's?"

"I think she was gonna go keep Uncle Em company, to help Aunt Rose cook? You know how she likes to burn the turkey on thanksgiving right?" I offered hoping he would understand, or at least accept my answer. He smiled a little but it wasn't much.

"I think it sucks."

"Me too buddy. Me too… I know you and Ness are used to all of us being together on Christmas but, we can still have fun. We'll have to start some new traditions this year."

"What if santa brings our presents to the wrong house."

"I'll make sure he doesn't."

"Fine, we better go help her. She always puts the candy cane man on the lolli pop princess. She cheats." he said simply, ending the conversation and walking back into the living room.

_I think it sucks._

"I think is sucks too." I whispered to myself before joining them.

* * *

After our game, Nessie won and Charlie insisted she cheated, I drove the kids back to Bella's house. When I pulled into her driveway I was surprised to see her in the garage, attempting to pull her christmas tree inside and failing horribly. She was way to small to try and do this on her own.

"Don't you dare laugh at me!" she yelled from behind the tree but it was too late, the three of us were laughing.

"Mom i'll help you!" Charlie yelled running over to her, it was cute but there was no way he could lift a tree.

"Bella, what on earth are you doing?" I asked as she set the tree down, half in the door half on the garage steps.

"I know, I'm such a grinch. I got the tree this weekend but I haven't had anytime to put it up and then I forgot to call Emmett to help me and now he and Rose are in Seattle visiting her parents for christmas-"

"Calm down, I can get it inside for you." I offered picking up the end of the tree with the stump and nodding towards the top. "Just grab the top, i'll hold most of the weight."

"Okay." she grabbed the top of the tree and we maneuvered our way through the kitchen, through the hallway and into the living room. "Are you okay, is it too heavy?"

"Bella, I'm fine." I laughed. "Where do you want it, same spot?"

"Yea just over a little more." She directed me before we found the spot she wanted and I placed it down. I was pretty impressed with the size, I usually had to talk her out of the Charlie Brown trees on the lot.

"Thank you. I probably would have been visiting you in the ER later if I had tried any longer by myself." She joked shaking the pine needles off her shirt.

"You know if you ever need any help with stuff like this.. well, you _can _call me Bella." I said hesitantly and she smiled.

"Thanks."

We sat there for a minute, again another awkward silence. I thought back to what Jasper had said to me at the hospital, about talking to Bella and telling her how I felt, but it just didn't seem like the right time. We barely talked about anything but the kids, or the weather. Stupid things. What was I suppose to do, just blurt it out.

_'hey Bella I still love you, and yes I was a complete dick but, what do you say? Give me another chance?'_

Yea, right.

"Mommy can we decorate the tree now?" Nessie asked excitedly from behind Bella as she peeked into the boxes on the couch with all the ornaments.

"We sure can, we need to put up the lights first though remember." She said opening up the box with the tangled lights and sighing.

"I always say i'm going to come up with a better way to store these, and every year I throw them in the the box like this and it takes me forever to untangle them."

"Actually, I think that was me." I laughed sheepishly and she looked at me, as if remembering last year's debacle of taking the tree down.

_She had asked me for two weeks to help her but I had gotten roped into a lot of night shifts and we kept missing each other at home. When I got home one night, she was asleep already but all of the ornaments were off the tree and put away. She put a huge sign on the bedroom door._

_DO NOT ENTER UNTIL THAT TREE IS GONE._

_I had laughed, but I knew she meant business._

_She had woken up to me swearing to myself downstairs. The lights were getting all tangled and I was making a mess with the damn needles because the tree was dying and they were falling off like crazy. I looked up to see her standing in the doorway laughing at me._

_"See what happens when you leave your tree up until January 8th?" she asked smugly._

_". Please bask in my stupidity over there."_

_"Let me help you." she caved walking towards me. She was wearing shorts and one of my tee shirts and I was sure I was drooling. We hadn't been doing so well lately, but things were getting better. We weren't fighting as much and I was really doing what I could to make her happy with me again. I started working nights so that I could sleep during the day while the kids were gone and then spend time with them before I went to work. It wasn't ideal, Bella and I didn't have any alone time, but it was better then not seeing them at all. I missed her though._

"Daddy! Do you like the tree, I picked it out!" Charlie yelled bringing me out of my thoughts. "Are you going to help us? Please." he begged and I racked my brain for a way to let him down, for the umpteenth time tonight.

"Yea, Daddy has to put the star on." Nessie said handing me the star she had managed to dig up.

"Honey, that doesn't go on until the end you know that." Bella laughed uncomfortably before taking the star from Nessie and putting it back in the box.

"It's a great tree! But, I gotta get going bud sorry." I said squatting down to his level.

"Why?" he pouted. A loud clap of thunder got all of our attention as we looked outside at the nasty storm about to begin.

"Cool!" Charlie yelled running over to the window forgetting about me. I couldn't tell if it was snowing or raining, but it didn't look nice as the thunder started. I looked over at Bella, who was always a complete baby during thunderstorms, and smiled.

"I better get going."

"But daddy, who's going to put up the star?" Nessie asked genuinely concerned, like if I didn't do it, it would be forgotten.

"Please dad, please." Charlie pouted on the brink of a fit it seemed and I sighed.

"Why don't you stay." Bella's voice came from behind me surprising me. "It's fine, I know they'd really like you here for this. Besides, the weather is crappy, you should wait it out." she shrugged.

"Yeah!" Charlie yelled as he and Nessie ran back over to the ornaments. I stood there with Bella gaging her mood, I wanted to make sure she was actually okay with me being there, not that she just didn't want to disappoint the kids.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" I said shoving my hands in my pockets.

"No, really. It'll be nice, tradition right?" she smiled. God, she was beautiful. "Unless, you had somewhere to be-"

"No, no." I interjected quickly and she laughed. I felt like I was just meeting her again for the first time, it was awkward and I was stammering. I wanted her to like me. It was so foolish.

"Are you sure you're not just scared to be alone during the big bad thunderstorm- ouch!" I was cut off by her smacking my chest and I laughed.

"You be quiet or i'll make you walk home in this rain." she threatened.

"Easy does it, killer." I joked rubbing my chest and she shook her head walking off.

After about twenty minutes of pulling the knots from the christmas lights we started hanging ornaments on the tree. Everyone was having a great time and it felt so great to be with my family again, especially for the holiday. Nessie didn't last long and ended up watching us instead of helping, before passing out on the couch. Charlie started to get annoyed when he couldn't reach the top of the tree and sat next to Nessie waiting for us to finish. Needless to say they both passed out mid decorating.

"I should probably get them upstairs, if they wake up they'll never go back to sleep." Bella said as she eyed them.

"I'll grab him, you grab her?" I offered and she nodded, picking up Nessie from the couch. We put the kids to bed before making our way back downstairs, the thunder still going strong. I knew I was going to have to leave soon, but I wasn't ready to leave the bubble. It had been such a good night, it seemed like the first time since we separated that we could actually be friends.

"So I guess I should get going." I sighed as we reached the kitchen.

"You think I'm letting you get out of finishing that tree, your nuts. I was just grabbing something to drink." she laughed. I was relieved that I didn't have to go yet, I was hoping to spend some time alone with Bella but I knew she had only asked me to stay for the kids, who were now dead to the world.

"You want a glass of wine? I don't have any beer-"

"Wine's fine. Thanks."

We ended up talking over the wine more then decorating the tree after the power ended up going out. It was refreshing being able to sit and talk without the awkward pauses or the defensive nature we always seemed to have with each other. We talked about high school and college, spring break with Alice and Jasper, and when Emmett burned his eyebrows off trying to learn to breathe fire. We had so many great memories together, and I realized there weren't many memories of mine that didn't involve Bella. The good, and the bad.

She seemed so at ease, and I knew it was not without the help of the wine, but it was nice. I missed her, not just her as my wife but as my best friend. I missed just sitting around and talking to each other, sharing stories. I didn't mention work even though we talked about her bakery. I was so proud of her accomplishments, and I wanted to be that happy with my career again.

When the lights finally came back on, we finished working on the tree.

"Do you remember our first tree?" I asked cautiously. I had to admit I was nervous about bringing up the wrong thing or pushing her to far but she just laughed.

"Oh my god, what a disaster that was, I had a bruise on my knee for weeks!" She laughed, making me smile.

"Well, only you would end up with the tree on top of you."

"Laugh it up, everyone knows I was born with two left feet." she rolled her eyes at me as she opened another box.

"Well I think you're two left feet worked in my favor that night… if I remember correctly." I said boldly.

_In my best attempt to keep her from falling completely on her face, I tried to catch her. It only resulted in the two of us falling down, the tree next to us. We couldn't stop laughing as I untangled Bella's feet from the christmas lights but soon our laughing turned to making out and before we knew it we were having sex, right in the middle of the living room floor. It was one of my favorite memories. _

_We hadn't been in our apartment more then a few weeks, but it was sad to say we had yet to make love in it. I was always at class, in the library, or studying. The first semester of med school was hard and I was so anal about getting the best grades. That night was different though, I was all about my girl that night. She was beautiful, the fire was going, and we had no worries. I was done for the semester and I had a chance to breathe before classes started. I was sure we got pine needles in places no one ever should but it was so worth it. _

"You're blushing." I smirked at her and she ducked her head, clearly annoyed.

"Shut up. You know it's like breathing to me... besides your comments don't help." she busied herself with trying to put the star on top of the tree, again, obviously unwilling to accept that she could not reach it even on the chair.

"Get down before you fall and brake something, i'll do it." She huffed at her short stature before climbing down and handing me the star. "Let a man handle this." I winked.

"Gag, you are really starting to push my buttons Dr. Cullen." I knew she was playing around, but I couldn't help the wave of lust that ran through me as she called me Dr. Cullen. This woman would be the death of me.

"Oh I had every intention of pushing your buttons." I laughed and she swatted my leg. I climbed down from the chair and pulled it aside to admire our work. I wished that the kids had been able to stay awake long enough to see the tree, but they would see it in the morning. Too bad I wouldn't be here to see their faces I thought.

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Bella was fidgeting with the ornaments on the couch and she looked uncomfortable suddenly.

"Hey, I was just kidding." I smiled and she laughed.

"I know, it's fine." she said. I didn't want to spoil the mood, we had been having such a good night, it almost felt like old times.

"What's wrong then?" I asked, standing in front of her and lifting her chin with my finger. She looked scared almost as she twisted her hands together. "You're nervous." I said without thinking and she pulled back slightly.

"I'm not nervous."

"You play with your hands when you're nervous... and you shift on your feet like that." I noted pointing to her feet and stopped moving.

"You're annoying." was all she could come up with and I laughed out loud. "You know me too well, I hate it."

"I like that I know when your nervous, I like that I still make you nervous."

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever as I ran my hand across her cheek. She leaned into my hand, if only for a second before she snapped out of it and backed away from me. My heart sank.

"Edward." She whispered. I knew what she was saying though, _don't_.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"You didn't I just- I'm sorry I think the wine and walking down memory lane.. and you. It's just got my head spinning a little."

And just like that, the elephant in the room returned. We were back to the awkward dance and I regretted ever pushing her. I should have kept my hands to myself.

"Thank you for letting me stay Bella, it was nice."

"Of course." she smiled, but it wasn't a full smile anymore. She was thinking too much, probably thinking about how much I had hurt her.

"I guess I should head out, you want any help putting these boxes away?"

"No, it's okay. I'll just leave them till the morning." she brushed it off. We both stood there waiting for the other to make the next move before I realized it was me who was suppose to be leaving.

I grabbed my coat off of the couch and walked towards the door with Bella trailing behind me. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to end the night on a good note, I wanted her to see we could be friends again. I had the best time being with her again, even if we were just talking. I knew I would only miss her more after tonight.

"Thanks for your help." she said crossing her arms as if to guard herself. She looked so vulnerable and I was afraid I had crossed the line.

"You're welcome, anytime." I offered and she nodded politely. "Bella, I had a good time tonight. It was nice.. being with the kids but also talking, with you. I've missed that."

"Yea, it was nice. I'm glad you stayed."

I was sure I should say goodbye and leave before I pushed my luck but I had to say something. The night had gone so well, I needed her to know my intentions. I wanted to be friends, I wanted to earn her trust again. I wanted her to see I was still the guy she fell for all those years ago.

"I miss you, B." I thought it would come out strongly but I sounded like a scared little girl. I cleared my throat before taking in her reaction. She seemed torn, I knew she missed me too thanks to my not so honorable eaves dropping, but she was guarded, I had damaged her.

"Edward-"

"I just wanted to tell you that, you don't have to say anything." I offered. "I know I hurt you-"

She tried to interrupt me but I stopped her. She huffed, annoyed that I wouldn't let her speak but I wanted to get this out before I chickened out.

"I did Bella, I hurt you. I know I don't deserve your respect after everything.. but I hope to earn it again some day. I hope we can be friends again, you still mean the world to me."

She didn't say anything for a minute and I was about to leave when she stepped forward and grabbed my hand. I was sure that my heart had taken off with it's new found wings, it was ridiculous how fast it was beating, but damn. I was nervous.

"I respect you. You have my respect and you deserve it… your a great father, and your an amazing doctor." I was flying at her words but I didn't fail to realize that she didn't say amazing husband, cause I wasn't. I was the worst, but if I ever had another chance i would make sure to change that.

She let go of my hand, shifting on her feet again, but I didn't say anything about it this time, i had picked on her enough for one night.

"I hope that we can get to a place where we can be friends, I do." she said strongly. "It's just going to take some time. It's hard for me.."

"I know. Me too." We didn't say anything after that, nothing needed to be said. We said our goodnights and I ran to my car in the rain.

I felt better then I had in a long time and I was determined to show Bella that I was worthy of her again. She was offering me a chance at friendship, and right now, that was enough.

I pulled my phone from my pocket dialing Jasper's number, determined that I was making the right choice. This is what I wanted, what I needed to do.

"Dude, I have to be up in five hours, what can I do for you?" he asked sarcastically.

"Sorry man, I forgot it was so late but I need to ask you about something, it's kind of important."

There was a pause on the other line before he answered.

"Okay, what's going on. Everything okay?"

"Yea, great actually. I was just wondering, I know you were interviewing some doc's for the office right? You said you were looking for a partner of sorts-"

"Praise the lord he was actually listening to me!" he joked.

"I know i've been a space case but I was listening, thank you… anyways. Any chance you'd interview a Dr. Cullen?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't sure Jasper would be to keen on working with family, it wasn't ideal but we usually did well together in the hospital and this was something I had been thinking about for awhile now.

"Dad wants to work in pediatrics?" he said pretending to sound shocked. Dick.

"Shut up, I'm being serious here man… I've been thinking about if for awhile but I was debating, I don't know. Could we at least meet up and talk about it."

"Edward, I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

**So, many of you guessed it! Edward is thinking of joining Jasper, which would only please B. Right? Well, we'll see. Some New years action in the next chapter. Stay tuned!**

**Let me know what you think! xoxo**


	7. A much needed change

**Finally an update! Yes, I'm still alive. I'm so sorry it took forever to update, I'm hoping to update more regularly now but I can't promise anything. Life always seems to get away from me. I have the next chapter written, just need to do some editing. Please review!**

* * *

**BPOV**

Sitting in the small corner cafe, I watched out the window as the small snowflakes hit the ground. I was already on my second coffee as I sat there waiting for Emmett to show up, he was _always_ late. My thoughts had been so jumbled lately, especially with the holidays, and I had asked Emmett to meet me to talk.

I had always been close with my brother growing up, especially when we were younger. Lately, things between the two of us hadn't been the same and it was hard to accept. I knew he was trying to take my side in the divorce, even though I hadn't wanted him to stop speaking to Edward, but I hated how much he butted into things. He was always so protective of me, but he didn't understand the full situation and it often led to us fighting. Thankfully, he had backed off lately and he and Edward were able to reconcile their friendship.

My relationship with Edward, however, was more confusing then ever. I was depressed about not spending Christmas with the kids, on top of wrestling with my decision about Edward's questions. Could we be friends again? Would I ever really feel like I could trust him?

He had left things in my hands, and I knew that I needed to really think about things before making a decision. It wasn't going to be an overnight process; as if we could just agree to be friends and that would be it. I knew it would take time and effort on both of our parts. Not only did I have some resentment towards him still, but I also had feelings for him. I couldn't deny it, I had loved Edward since I was a kid and I knew I always would. I wasn't so sure that we could be _just _friends. Things had been better though, well, we were talking. It was a start.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as I saw Emmett running across the street waving to me in the window. I waved, tapping my watch and earning myself his signature eye roll.

"Sorry. Sorry." he said brushing off his coat and sitting down across from me. " You how bad I am at time."

"I know. I'm surprised you ever got a job, Em." I joked taking a sip of my coffee.

"So, how is my little sis? It's not often that I get the pleasure of meeting you instead of my wife." he smiled stealing a sip of my drink. I snatched it back from him and sat back in my chair.

I wasn't sure how Emmett would react to my conversation with Edward, and I wasn't sure if I even wanted to tell him. I knew his opinion wasn't going to sway my decision and I definitely didn't want him to talk to Rose about it. She was not Edward's biggest fan.

"Things are okay, I haven't been able to convince mom to stop calling me since Christmas, but other than that."

"Well that makes two of us. I swear if you don't pick up, she just dials me for information."

"You're kidding me?" I asked annoyed. "I don't know how many ways to say I'm fine. She really is over doing it."

"She's worried about you Bells, so is dad. You were like a walking ghost on Christmas-"

"No I wasn't." I said slightly defensive. I had been quiet all day, worrying my parents. But that fact of the matter was I was depressed. It was my first Christmas without the kids and I just wasn't into it.

"Bella. Please." he said giving me the look. That look that says '_you can't fool me so don't bother.' _"You were miserable, and she just wants to make sure you're doing okay."

"You're supposed to be on my side here, tell me you agree with how annoying she is and smile… that's why I called you." I said jokingly. I wanted fun Emmett not this. I didn't need to hear how depressing I had been and how worried everyone was.

"She is soooo annoying." he said with a smile making me laugh.

"Thank you." I nodded. "How is Rose's baby shopping going?"

At this he took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. I knew she had been stressing out lately over getting everything they needed before the baby came next month. She was being completely insane really.

"I don't know how she is still going. I mean I thought for sure she would run out of steam by now, but no. Honestly, she's driving me crazy."

"Well, you better enjoy your last night out then, this will be your last new year's eve without kids."

"True. I plan on getting shit-faced." I laughed at this; I hoped he realized there wasn't a new year's that I could remember when he wasn't completely drunk.

"Yea, something different. What's the plan anyways?" I asked curious. Rose had suggested that the girls do something and the guys do something together this year, instead of all of us together. She didn't tell me why she had suddenly decided this, but I knew it was because of the divorce.

"Just bar hopping, getting ridiculous. The usual." he said casually. "You know, I never really talked to you about it, you cool with this?"

"With what?"

"The guys and girls doing something separately. I mean we always do something together.. I just figured this would make things easier…"

"So this whole sha-bang was your idea, huh?"

"Yea, kind of." he said sheepishly.

"Em, it's totally fine. Really. You guys need to stop worrying about me so much."

"I'll never not worry about you bells, you know that."

"Besides, it's not like things between Edward and I are volatile. We're.. friends."

"Friends? You guys can barely be in the same room together Bella."

"That's not true. We've been getting along really well lately." I offered before cowering behind my coffee. He just looked at me for a minute before speaking.

"So you guys are going to try to be friends now?" He seemed surprised, but not necessarily upset.

"Maybe. I don't know. Would that be such a bad thing?"

"That depends I guess." he shrugged. I waited for him to continue but he didn't.

"On?"

"Bella, if you and Edward decide you want to try and be friends, I think that's only going to be a good thing for the kids. It certainly won't hurt our group either. But I'm not so sure what it's going to do to you."

"You don't think it would be good for me? Edward's been my best friend for years Em, I didn't just lose my husband I lost my best friend. You don't know what that's like-"

"Yea, I kind of do Bells." he said sarcastically. I stopped my rant taking a deep breath. Emmett wasn't the one getting divorced, but he had lost his best friend.

"I'm sorry. I just.. I miss him. I miss my friend."

"Don't apologize to me Bella, it's not your fault that Edward and I have problems. I just don't want you to get hurt again- how did this even start, did he ask you for another chance. He's really got some nerve-"

"Oh stop, it wasn't like that… we were talking one night and, i don't know, it was nice Em. It felt like the old Edward ya know? He told me he missed me, but he didn't push. He just asked if we could try to be friends, he wants to earn my respect back."

"Well, i hope he knows he has a long ways to go."

"Why don't you let me decide that." I say giving him a stern look.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do Bells, and I know you wouldn't listen anyways." I smiled at that even though I tried hard not to. " Just be careful. I don't want him to break your heart again, and he might if you give him the chance."

"Friends Emmett. Just friends. We're not getting back together. I feel like I owe it to Charlie and Ness to at least consider what Edward is saying. I don't want us to be in this awkward dance the rest of our lives where we can't even have a conversation."

"Just think it through bells, that's all I'm saying."

We didn't talk about Edward after that, he changed the subject and I knew that was my cue to not bring it up anymore. I was lost in thought as Emmett continued on about the bars they were going to hit later tonight and how drunk he was going to get the stuffy doctors. I couldn't get Edward's words out of my brain and I realized I was really over obsessing about this.

There was nothing wrong with us trying to be friends again; if anything good came out of this situation it could be that. I knew it was going to be hard, and we certainly would never be as close as we used to be, but why couldn't we be friendly. Why couldn't we talk about things and be in each other's lives as a support after everything we had been through?

Maybe I was kidding myself, maybe it was to unrealistic to be friends this early but I knew I wanted to try. I missed him, but I knew that if I wanted to give friendship with Edward a real shot, i would need to let go of the anger I held towards him over the divorce. I just wasn't sure how to do that. Or if I could.

**EPOV**

It was small. And quiet. And stuffy.

If this had been a year ago, I would have ran for my life. But I loved it.

"And back here is the office space, I'd be in the room here…" Jasper mumbles on giving me the tour of the space.

I had begged Jasper to meet me at his new office, I couldn't get my talk with Bella out of my head and I knew it was time to make some changes. I had lived and breathed the hospital for so long, it's what I had wanted since I was a kid and the fast pace was a rush I craved. But things were different now.

These past couple of months had been the best and worst of my life. I was taking my kids more often, I felt like a real presence in their lives after such a long time and it felt good. Really good. At the same time it only showed my how alone I was. Putting my career in front of my family for so long had left me with nothing, I could see that now and it was hard to think of how blind I had been.

_If only, if only_

I was miserable. I couldn't keep living my life thinking of all the '_if onlys', _if there was any chance of me fixing the mess I had made, it started here.

"Earth to Shithead?" Jasper snaps, waving his hand in my face. "Dude you wake me up in the middle of night and drag me down here… you aren't even paying attention. Please tell me you were serious about this-"

"I'm sorry my mind is just running away on me, I'm serious about this, you know I wouldn't have asked you if I wasn't."

"Look, Edward.. If your really serious about joining me here, putting all you have into the practice then I'm thrilled man. Really. But are you sure you thought this through? It's a huge change."

"I know. That's why I need this Jasper. I need a change; I think we all know that. The hospital is swallowing me whole, I just can't do it anymore. I could be a real asset here."

He paused for a moment, studying me perhaps. I could tell he was hesitant, and hell, who could blame him. I had always shot down physicians who chose to work in an office setting, I couldn't understand it. But I did now. I just hoped he could see that.

"Alright, let me show you where your office will be." He says pointing behind me, leading me into a small work area.

Needless to say, it only took a couple of days to figure out all the business bullshit. I signed the papers, I ran the numbers. I would be taking a huge pay cut, that I had expected. Jasper and I would be partners, 50/50. I would only have to work four days a week, normal hours and we would be splitting call hours between four doctors in the office. It just didn't seem real. I decided not to mention the news to anyone, especially Bella. I didn't know what she would think, we had been making an effort to talk more, and not just about the kids. I asked her about work, she would even do the same. I'd throw a joke in here and there, just to see her laugh and when she did I felt like a teenage boy again. We had a long way to go, but for the first time in a long time, she looked at me and I didn't see hatred or hurt in her eyes.

I figured Jasper would spill the beans eventually, but I had asked him to keep this quiet until I wrapped things up at the hospital. They would need to find an interim chief and they were less then thrilled with my two weeks notice but I couldn't find it in me to care. That place had given and taken so much from me, it was time to close that chapter for good. My father couldn't understand my decision to leave, my mother couldn't understand what took me so long.

In two weeks I would be Dr. Edward Cullen, Family practitioner.

* * *

Christmas came and went, I had the kids for the day and as much as I loved having them I hated not having Bella there. So did they. Ness wouldn't smile no matter how hard I tried, even when I knew she loved her presents. Charlie was fine most of the day until dinner rolled around and we were missing Bella's famous pie. Needless to say, it didn't go as planned. I think we all cried ourselves to sleep that night.

It was new years eve already and I couldn't understand how the time had flown by so quickly. I would be starting my new position on monday and I had one last weekend to come to terms with the change. I had been dreading this night for so long, but now I was excited. I actually was looking forward to a new year, a new beginning. Emmett had a whole night planned, one I was sure to not remember the next morning. I just hoped we could have a night out that didn't end in us trying to kill each other. He and I had barely spoken since Charlie's birthday, maybe a text here and there to confirm plans but that was about it. I wanted my best friend back.

My parents had the kids for this night, they took them every new year so that we could all go out and have a night out. Although Bella and I wouldn't be together, I was determined to have a good night with my friends. When I walked into the bar on main st. I could see that it was not going to be a slow night. Emmett's neon 'happy new year' hat made it easy to pick him out in the crowd, but it was the row of shots being poured in front of him that had me laughing. It felt like I was in college again every time Emmett and I went to a bar, he would always be a big kid.

"I hope you plan on sharing, I'm not picking your ass up off the floor like last time." I yelled over his shoulder taking him by surprise. He jumped looking back before the evil grin spread across his face.

"Jesus, are you going to bring that shit up again? Everyone deserves a free pass, I'm cashing in on that night."

"Yes a free pass implies one Em, I can't recall how many new years eves we have gotten annihilated… how have you not been arrested?"

"Well good news for you little brother, is that these shots are for the ladies." He said turning back to the shot glasses and gathering as many as he could in his hands.

The ladies? What ladies? Rosalie would kick his ass if he was buying shots for some random bar girls…

"So wipe the sweat from your brow, tuck your shirt back into your panties." He said throwing me a half pat on the back. "Grab those will ya."

"Who are these for?" I ask grabbing the remaining two shot glasses, but before I can finish my sentence, I see them sitting in a corner booth.

She looks amazing, of course. Amazing red dress, her hair down in curls, smiling and laughing at something the girls are saying. She's wearing the earrings I gave her for her birthday. I can feel my palms start sweating and I know I look like a deer in headlights.

"My god what took so long?!" I head Rose's drunk ass screaming, pulling me from me idiot stare as I try to pull my shit together.

She looks over at me, as soon as we make eye contact I can tell she wasn't let in on this part of the plan either.

"Edward. Hi." She fumbles, standing up to meet me. I can see the blush running down her neck and I have to remind myself not to reach out for her.

"Bella." I smile, trying to look much cooler then I know I do right now. Emmett sits smugly next to Rosalie and I suddenly feel foolish. He told me it was going to just be the guys tonight, bar hopping and ending the night back at his place with poker. No mention of a certain blond or brunette joining us. Not that I mind, I want to see Bella but i just don't know if it's too soon. A night out, drinking, hanging out with our friends like nothing had changed when in reality everything had changed.

I sneak a peek at my sister who is suddenly very interested in the markings on the table. It's obvious that everyone knew about this except us and I'm sure Bella is fuming. I'm shocked at Emmett, I figured the last thing he would want to do on new years is spend the night with the two of us in the same room.

"I hope this is okay, I didn't realize you girls were going to be here." I lean to whisper so everyone else can't hear our conversation. I don't want her to be uncomfortable and if she is I'll leave. I want to strangle Emmett and Jasper anyways. But she just shakes her head.

"No it's fine, I thought you were going to be meeting them later.. I was just surprised to see you here." She fiddles with her hands for a minute. "Everyone was really looking forward to tonight, let's just... try to have a good time? We're only staying for a little bit anyways, Ali wants to go to the dance club."

I nod and smile, completely dying at how awkward it is to talk to this woman that has been the center of my world since I was a child. I hand her the shots in my hand and she smiles, rolling her eyes.

"Thank you. You know Rosalie, queen of the tequila shots."

"Lets hope this isn't a repeat of her 25th?" I joke thinking about that night. Rosalie was convinced that her life was over at 25 and she was determined to go out in style. I see Bella trying not to laugh out of the corner of my eye as Rosalie scowls.

"Edward Cullen, you swore to never bring that up again." She threatens me with an evil glare and I just laugh sipping me beer.

"Raise your glasses bitches..." Rosalie toasts as the girls grab their shots from the table. Alice, Angela and Bella all look at the glasses with disgust and Rose continues on. "To old friends, a new year, and new beginnings!"

I watch them all throw back their shots, Bella slamming hers on the table before looking at me, a hesitant look in her eye. I can already tell it's going to be a long night.


End file.
